Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some humans consider online
games
Use synonyms
as safe enjoyment, and
also
Linking Words
as a effective learning resource.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others think that online
games
Use synonyms
are remaining
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a negative impact on the players. In my opinion, the advantages of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
outweigh the disadvantages.
Video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
can be addictive, leading to a decrease in academic performance and social relationships, but people who play them gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive energy and some motivation,
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
improve their important skills.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
can be obsessive and do not let people go out and socialize with other individuals. The players think that
games
Use synonyms
are easy to get temporary fun,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
they can be imprisoned by
games
Use synonyms
,
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
not stop playing.
For example
Linking Words
,
accorting
Correct your spelling
according
to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research in 2023 by Sony Company, in the
last
Linking Words
5 years, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of gamers are increased by half, so 60% of gamers engage the online
games
Use synonyms
for 7-9 hours a day.
In contrast
Linking Words
, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
has
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
sides too, like mental stimulation and having valuable skills. The players can get easily some happiness from the
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
of online
games
Use synonyms
and learn how to solve issues and how to behave in a team, which are advantageous skills in
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
world.
For instance
Linking Words
, Samsung Company
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
a survey among their most successful employees in 2024, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, 50% of workers are playing online
games
Use synonyms
in their spare
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
the end,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
of gaming are more noticeable in modern days than the bad sides. The people who play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
can use these
games
Use synonyms
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
interests, like learning teamwork,
instead
Linking Words
being
Correct word choice
of being
show examples
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
to the
games
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary to enhance expression. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or data to further support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, with a straightforward introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-separated into paragraphs, contributing to a well-organized structure.
task achievement
Good attempt at presenting both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: