IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people claim that all experiments on animal is bad and should be outlowed However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there alternatives?

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Some crowd argue that experimentation on
animals
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 is immoral and must be forbidden . In spite of that, some public strongly believe that important inventions could be made by experimenting on
animals
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. From my point of view experiments on
animals
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 could be acknowledged as acceptable.
Due to
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 the fact that in the past lots of deadly diseases were found cures because of testing on
animals
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.
For example
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, smallpox was one of the deadliest illnesses at the beginning of the 20th century and a vaccine for smallpox was found by testing on
animals
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such
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 as mice, rabbits, monkeys etc. Testing on
animals
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 might help the modern world to discover more vaccines for dangerous illnesses nowadays.
This
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 is why I agree that testing on
animals
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 should be allowed. Unfortunately, there are no worthy analogues for preventing experiments on
animals
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. In spite of that modern medicine is developing at high paces we have to use our vaccines and pills
firstly
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 on
animals
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 before than people. In the modern world human life is valuable because of that, we will keep testing vaccines on
animals
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 to save more human lives.
That is
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 why we will test new medicine discoveries on
animals
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 rather than humans. In conclusion,
while
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 lots of bodies suffer in low-developed African countries from incurable diseases. Well-developed countries should proceed to research to find a new vaccine to prevent other untreatable sicknesses which might be contagious and have deadly effects on the human body.
This
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 is why testing on
animals
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 is extremely important in medicine.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases to improve this aspect.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples or arguments about alternatives to animal testing to fully explore this part of the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction is clear and states the issue effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt by addressing both justification and alternatives for animal experimentation.
Task Achievement
Uses a relevant and specific example (smallpox vaccine) to support the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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