IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Opinions differ regarding whether or not
authorities
Use synonyms
 have problems because of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 critics insist that an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 have a positive effect on
society
Use synonyms
, I personally strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 assertion since governments should spend a large number of their budget
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 managing the elderly. On the one hand, there is a reason why
ever-increasing
Correct article usage
the ever-increasing
show examples
elderly
Correct quantifier usage
number of elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 make
Use synonyms
society
Add an article
the society
show examples
 to be better to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Firstly
Linking Words
, not only do
authorities
Use synonyms
 have to install facilities for old
people
Use synonyms
 but they
also
Linking Words
 need to devise
policities
Correct your spelling
policies
 that an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 can treat affordably at hospitals. To explain, if governments enforce policies that old
people
Use synonyms
 can use social and public infrastructure without payment,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it which
show examples
makes
Verb problem
change
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
 of lives
to develop
Verb problem
apply
show examples
because all will become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, devising the enforcement of policies is needed regardless of different age groups.
In addition
Linking Words
, if
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
society
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 lives
confortably
Correct your spelling
comfortably
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the rest of
lives
Correct pronoun usage
its lives
show examples
, the country can be evaluated as
developed
Add an article
a developed
show examples
 nation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
authorities
Use synonyms
 have issues if old
people
Use synonyms
 continuously increase. First and foremost,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay a large amount of money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 elderly individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, elderly individuals suffer from many diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
, obesity and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, which means that
authorities
Use synonyms
 need to spend a large portion of their budget
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medical insurance, which is
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
 burden because they have
a more urgent problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a more urgent problem
more urgent problems
show examples
 like environmental issues and serious crimes.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if an ageing
population
Use synonyms
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 at companies, not only would task achievement decrease but their
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
also
Linking Words
 might drop, which affects negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enconomic
Correct your spelling
economic
 growth. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 may grow and
people
Use synonyms
 can live in
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 by devising policies that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 live well,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 government should spend a large portion of their budget
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 old
peopld
Correct your spelling
people
.

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language
Improve sentence structure and grammar for clarity. Consider reviewing subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which could improve the relevance and effectiveness of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main point; currently, some ideas overlap or aren't fully expanded.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
You have identified and discussed both sides of the argument, maintaining a balanced view.
content
The essay attempts to focus on specific areas such as government budgets and social policies, which are relevant to the topic.
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