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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. September 2024 Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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whether youngsters ought to opt for the
jobs
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 that they want or they have to be more concerned about the
future
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, has become a matter of discussion among
people
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. Not only both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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notions will be discussed below but my perspective which is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of the former side will
also
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 be discussed. On one side, the prime reason why
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 community have to career that they are looking for is career satisfaction. To elaborate, when individuals work in a field that they enjoy, they are more likely to be motivated, work hard and keep focus on their target.
Additionally
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, the youngster will be more passionate regarding their work
as a result
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 they can achieve long-term success and live their life happily.
For example
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,a report published by "The Times of India" in 2023 and their result showed that
people
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 are happier and have minimum stress, are working in fields they like even, they are making less money from others. on the other side, the prime reason why youngster have to think about their
future
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while
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 choosing a
job
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 is
job
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 security. To elucidate, In the contemporary era, many
people
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 start doing a
job
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 by following their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 without thinking about constant income,
however
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, sometimes those
jobs
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 are not for long and they will be stressed.
For example
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, youngster have to choose a field, from where they can make a stable
incomes
Correct the article-noun agreement
income
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, can help their families and achieve financial independence.
Jobs
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such
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 as chef,healthcare and technology there sector are always in demand, by choosing from them. they can have a happy life. In my opinion , a balanced approach is the best solution for young
people
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 can pursue their careers with their interests and strengths, but they have to
also
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 consider market demand and the
future
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 of the
job
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. In conclusion,
although
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 youngsters are more likely to be inclined towards
jobs
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 that they want, they have to think about their
future
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 and they would like to start.

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task achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, provide a clearer definition and analysis of the perspectives, ensuring both are explored with equal depth. This will help in providing a more balanced view before offering a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
For improved Coherence and Cohesion, consider better transitions between paragraph ideas. Clearly signposting different arguments can make your essay flow more naturally, enhancing logical progression.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear standpoint, making it easy for the reader to understand the writer's perspective.
task achievement
The inclusion of a relevant example from a credible source (The Times of India) strengthens the argument provided and demonstrates the ability to substantiate points with evidence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes effectively, summarizing the main points while reiterating the writer's opinion, providing a neat closure to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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