IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Companies invest millions of dollars in advertising to persuade consumers to buy their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages for the consumer?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Numerous enterprises allocate substantial financial resources towards advertising initiatives to incentivize consumers to purchase their
products
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 advertising frequently results in superfluous purchases—especially among
parents
Use synonyms
—I contend that its benefits surpass its shortcomings, as it enables companies to promote their
products
Use synonyms
 more effectively. On one hand, children are profoundly influenced by advertisements broadcasted on television, particularly those that showcase confectionery
items
Use synonyms
 or toys.
This
Linking Words
 exposure often leads to children persuading their
parents
Use synonyms
 to acquire
such
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
, which may not hold significant value or necessity.
For instance
Linking Words
, in countries like Uzbekistan, for children to lobby their
parents
Use synonyms
 for
items
Use synonyms
 they encounter in commercials, it is common that up to 80% of all
items
Use synonyms
 that were bought during on-spot-
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
resulting
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in unnecessary expenditures.
Consequently
Linking Words
, advertising exerts undue pressure on
parents
Use synonyms
, compelling them to purchase
items
Use synonyms
 that lack real value.
Conversely
Linking Words
, advertising serves as a formidable mechanism for businesses, effectively disseminating information regarding the latest
products
Use synonyms
 and market trends.
For example
Linking Words
, online advertisements furnish consumers with the opportunity to effortlessly explore contemporary goods, ensuring a streamlined and convenient shopping experience. A pertinent illustration is how individuals frequently encounter the latest fashion trends through advertisements,
subsequently
Linking Words
 opting for purchases from online retailers. In my view, advertising confers considerable advantages to companies by amplifying their sales and broadening their consumer base. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 advertising may pose challenges for
parents
Use synonyms
 by promoting unnecessary acquisitions, it remains a critical strategy for the growth and prosperity of businesses.
Thus
Linking Words
, the advantages associated with advertising significantly outweigh its disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In your essay, you've successfully identified the main task and responded with a clear position. However, aim to connect your ideas even more clearly to your thesis statement to enhance the completeness of your response. You may consider highlighting more specific impacts or examples of advertising advantages and disadvantages to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical structure with clear paragraphs, and you've made valuable strides in providing a coherent piece of writing. To improve further, endeavor to employ varied linking words and phrases to enhance the natural flow between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
You've established a solid introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
logical structure
The structure of your essay is organized well, with clear separation of points in distinct paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising expenditure
  • consumer awareness
  • impulsive buying
  • economic impact
  • materialism
  • consumer debt
  • misleading advertisements
  • consumer trust
What to do next:
Look at other essays: