IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports; others, however, believe that people should be free to do whatever they choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports
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Some
people
 think that the government should stop harmful
sports
,
while
 others think that it is a personal choice.
This
 article discusses the reasons why I agree with banning
such
sports
 and the harm they may cause. On the one hand, those who support free choice may feel that athletes who engage in dangerous
sports
 practice regularly and master the skills to deal with risks.
For example
, Formula One drivers are trained to drive at high speeds and know how to act in the event of an accident,
such
 as finding the nearest point of help and extricating themselves from the damaged car.
On the other hand
, those who think that harmful
sports
 should be banned believe that these activities are life-threatening and may cause death or long-term injuries that are difficult to recover from.
In addition
, these health problems require extensive medical care, which places a heavy burden on the healthcare system.
For example
, there are many drag racing gangs among international students, and young
people
 drive at high speeds on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 streets late at night.
As a result
, many
people
 who have accidents end up having to stay in the hospital for a long time and receive physical therapy to resume their normal lives. I think that
while
 it may be right for some
sports
 to engage in dangerous
sports
 after training, I still disagree with allowing
people
 to engage in
such
 activities, as the consequences of injuries are disastrous. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 believe that engaging in dangerous
sports
 is a personal choice and they are aware of the risks, I and many others believe that these
sports
 should be banned by the authorities because they pose a threat to health and have a negative impact on the healthcare system.
Submitted by zhaoruolin220 on

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task achievement
Ensure the thesis statement clearly mentions both points of view. For example, 'This essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe dangerous sports should be banned.'
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow. For instance, use phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore,' to add smoothness between ideas.
task achievement
Your arguments are well-supported with relevant and specific examples, such as the training of Formula One drivers and drag racing by international students.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured into clear paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint in detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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