IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to work for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. What is your opinion?

#people #work #company #change #jobs
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The employment cycle always has sparked different points of view in society. Some
people
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 are more likely to
work
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 for the same
company
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 for years,
while
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 others often change their
work
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 status regularly. In my honest opinion, I do believe that internal and external factors might affect workers' behaviour in deciding their employment journey. The first indication comes from the inner self of each individual. It simply portrayed the passion and intention to
work
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 that different from one to another.
Moreover
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, research shows that
people
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 who have high motivation and clearer visions towards their
work
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 tend to stay longer in one association. In stark contrast, an employee who only comes and just does their
work
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 as it is or has low motivation was reckoned to leave the
company
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 swiftly despite the goods of the
company
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.
For instance
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, no matter how good the
company
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 is, if workers don't feel happy there, they will tend to feel uncomfortable. The second indication could be seen in their external factors. There is a well-known economics concept
that is
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 suitable for
this
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 situation which is
people
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 respond to incentives.
In addition
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, it could be the working ambience, colleagues at
work
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, employment benefits, or maybe their income.
Therefore
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, a poor
company
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 tends to decrease employee's intention to extend their contract and start looking for other opportunities in other companies. In different situations, a
company
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 that offers full benefits to their employee would have loyal workers over the span of a long time.
To conclude
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, behind every decision of
people
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 to stay or leave the same
company
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, there are always considerations including which coming from internal or external factors.Some
people
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 prefer to
work
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 for the same
company
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,
whereas
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 others prefer to change jobs frequently. What is your opinion?
Submitted by saynah_ on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. While the introduction of the essay mentions different perspectives on employment, it could better establish your stance on the issue.
development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While some general observations were made, the essay lacked concrete examples to support its points.
cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas by exploring distinct points in each paragraph. Expand your discussion with a wider range of ideas and examples.
coherence
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and sentences should connect logically to one another and to the overall argument of the essay.
task response
Your ideas are relevant, but strive for more depth in your discussion. Include specific examples and detailed argumentation to fully respond to the prompt.
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