IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to work for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. What is your opinion?

#people #work #company #change #jobs
The employment cycle always has sparked different points of view in society. Some
people
 are more likely to
work
 for the same
company
 for years,
while
 others often change their
work
 status regularly. In my honest opinion, I do believe that internal and external factors might affect workers' behaviour in deciding their employment journey. The first indication comes from the inner self of each individual. It simply portrayed the passion and intention to
work
 that different from one to another.
Moreover
, research shows that
people
 who have high motivation and clearer visions towards their
work
 tend to stay longer in one association. In stark contrast, an employee who only comes and just does their
work
 as it is or has low motivation was reckoned to leave the
company
 swiftly despite the goods of the
company
.
For instance
, no matter how good the
company
 is, if workers don't feel happy there, they will tend to feel uncomfortable. The second indication could be seen in their external factors. There is a well-known economics concept
that is
 suitable for
this
 situation which is
people
 respond to incentives.
In addition
, it could be the working ambience, colleagues at
work
, employment benefits, or maybe their income.
Therefore
, a poor
company
 tends to decrease employee's intention to extend their contract and start looking for other opportunities in other companies. In different situations, a
company
 that offers full benefits to their employee would have loyal workers over the span of a long time.
To conclude
, behind every decision of
people
 to stay or leave the same
company
, there are always considerations including which coming from internal or external factors.Some
people
 prefer to
work
 for the same
company
,
whereas
 others prefer to change jobs frequently. What is your opinion?
Submitted by saynah_ on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. While the introduction of the essay mentions different perspectives on employment, it could better establish your stance on the issue.
development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While some general observations were made, the essay lacked concrete examples to support its points.
cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas by exploring distinct points in each paragraph. Expand your discussion with a wider range of ideas and examples.
coherence
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and sentences should connect logically to one another and to the overall argument of the essay.
task response
Your ideas are relevant, but strive for more depth in your discussion. Include specific examples and detailed argumentation to fully respond to the prompt.

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