IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people claim that all experementation on animal is bad and should be outlawed . However , others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments , Can experimentation on animals be justifies ? Are there any alternatives ?

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Doing
experiments
Use synonyms
 on
animals
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 has been subject to many debates among
people
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 . Some
people
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 argue that all animal testing is cruel and should be banned ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe doing
such
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experiments
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 on scientific research is important . On the one hand , a positive aspect of doing
experiments
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 is that no humans will be harmed in the progress of
this
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 scientific research. In the past , doctors used their patients for new kinds of treatment and it was cause for negative effects on
people
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 . An example of
that is
Linking Words
 the use of
animals
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instead
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 of
people
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 as research objects have been solving many problems in today's handling
diseases
Change preposition
of diseases
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 approach already stepped forward compared to using humans .
Therefore
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 , we have to get more experience with new diseases .
On the other hand
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 , there is no usage for every animal. Scientist should choose their
animals
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 carefully . Because
human
Add an article
the human
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 body
does
Verb problem
is
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 not the same as some kinds of
animal's
Change noun form
animal
show examples
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
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.
For example
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 , when scientists had
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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sleeping drugs on mice had a bad effect on humans' sleep . Patients was coma after receiving that experimental drug .
Therefore
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 , scientists should be
awareness
Replace the word
aware
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 before doing
such
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experiments
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. In all ,
experiments
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 with
animals
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 will be justified with valid aspects as it has advanced in development.
However
Linking Words
, as the technology develops, better solutions could be explored to address ethical concerns.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to demonstrate your points, such as particular scientific discoveries that were enabled by animal experimentation or specific alternative methods to animal testing.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively, ensuring each point is fully explained and supported with evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly follows from one to another and uses linking words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure by outlining each point more clearly in separate paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion briefly touches upon an ethical perspective and the potential future development in dealing with animal testing, which adds depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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