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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competition at work, school and in general in daily life has always been a polemical topic.
While
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 some people think it is a good thing, others state that it would be better to cooperate than to compete because
in
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, in
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this
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way
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way,
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 people would not be stressed and would do higher-quality work. Personally, I think that it is always a better option to have a struggle because it gives you the encouragement needed to perform
as well as
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 you can. So many people all around the world state that with collaboration
instead
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 of competition, the performance would be of a much higher quality. I disagree with that point of view
,
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;
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nevertheless
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, they have reasons to think in that way. When workers are in a constant rivalry, it can lead to a very high level of anxiety , and the execution of the task can be affected.
For example
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, an article written by Isaac Barbadillo, a Spanish sociologist, published in the newspaper "ABC" states that workers' levels of stress
due to
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 competition are at 75% of the situations seen at the work quality. I still think that rivalry leads to a greater performance because it is the element that gives you some encouragement. When at school, you see that your classmates have higher grades than you, rather than being sad, as many believe, it usually gives you more motivation to improve for next time.
For instance
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, when I was at school, I remember that my friend Bruno used to be very good at maths, unlike me.
However
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, it gave me the motivation that I needed , and I improved my
overall
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 math average by three points.
To conclude
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, I think that to compete is the best option if you want to improve your performance in any aspect of your life because of motivation, even if the idea of collaboration to not stress is popular as well.

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task response
Make your view clear in the intro and repeat it in the conclusion.
coherence
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and stay on one idea.
coherence
Use more simple link words to connect your ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'so', 'for example'.
grammar
Check grammar and spell words correctly; fix commas and spaces.
lexical
Give more than one example and keep facts believable and check if they can be easily checked.
content
Clear stance on the issue.
content
Personal experience used to illustrate a point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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