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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that competition is a good
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
motivation
Replace the word
motivator
show examples
 at work, school and even in our daily life.
However
Linking Words
, there are
others
Use synonyms
 who believe
cooperation
Use synonyms
 would
me
Use the right word
be
show examples
 more suitable than competing against
others
Use synonyms
. Competition is a great
way
Use synonyms
 to push ourselves
further
Linking Words
 for a goal
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the contrary,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 can benefit several
people
Use synonyms
 and enhance relations between individuals. In my opinion,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is a better
way
Use synonyms
 of living life since it does not
penalize
Change the spelling
penalise
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 whole for the sake of
benefitting
Use the right word
benefiting
show examples
 one. Competition can be for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
 a great
way
Use synonyms
 to push themselves to do better.
This
Linking Words
 mentality motivates
people
Use synonyms
 to strive for a goal, and it often involves surpassing
others
Use synonyms
 to satisfy our needs, which can be a very productive and efficient
way
Use synonyms
 to get results.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a university admission exam, candidates
confront
Verb problem
compete with
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 to get enrolled,
this
Linking Words
 type of situation encourages
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 do more than the rest to achieve our objectives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the candidates who will be admitted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will be the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 worked the hardest.
Cooperation
Use synonyms
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, benefits larger groups and creates
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more
relations
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 promoting well-being in a workplace. Working in groups for a common project generally involves different responsibilities so that everyone gets to feel useful by compensating
each
Change preposition
for each
show examples
 other’s work and weaknesses.
This
Linking Words
 method can improve the
overall
Linking Words
 atmosphere and how coworkers get along.
For example
Linking Words
, a bakery in the south of France decided to opt for an anarchist system of gestion which consisted
into
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 relying
between
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one another to choose their role for the day.
This
Linking Words
 mechanism led to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great efficiency within the bakery, eventually raising each staff member's salary. An interview reported that the relations between the staff members were friendly and based on trust.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some prefer to compete since they feel like it pushes them
further
Linking Words
 and encourages them to make more efforts,
while
Linking Words
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 would rather collaborate for the good of multiple
people
Use synonyms
. For that reason, I believe the second option is preferable since it
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits larger groups and is not based on the desire to surpass
others
Use synonyms
 for our own sake.

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language
Use more small and clear words. Keep one idea in each paragraph and use simple link words.
structure
Make the main idea easy to see at the start of each paragraph and end with a short view.
content
Check that each example fits the point it backs up and avoid odd or far examples.
content
The writer shows a clear view and a choice at the end.
structure
Two sides are shown and some examples are used.
content
There is a clear plan and a finish that makes sense.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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