IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people have now poor memory. What is probably the reason and what should we do to improve?

#people #memory #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable
true
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals are more forgetful and have a weak
memory
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the major extents contributing to
this
Linking Words
 issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 suggesting some measures to enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
memory
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there are several factors that are
assocciated
Correct your spelling
associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forgetfulness in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 decades.
Firstly
Linking Words
, from
scientific
Add an article
the scientific
a scientific
show examples
 point, the
defeciency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
 of some essential nutrients
such
Linking Words
 as Vitamin B12 can
resulte
Correct your spelling
result
 in poor
memory
Use synonyms
.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 care less about their meals and consume more fast foods with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of crucial nutrients in them.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 often in
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
 modern world, rely more on technologies rather than their mind, which
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
memory
Use synonyms
 inefficient.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to keep the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of relatives in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mind,
while
Linking Words
 nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 note everything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphones.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in
high-speed
Correct article usage
a high-speed
show examples
 world
people
Use synonyms
 strive to do many things
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time, thereby their
memory
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is devided
show examples
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 through multiple
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there are various ways
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
memory
Use synonyms
. The first and most is to have a healthy diet including Omega-3 from fish or olive oil.
In addition
Linking Words
, engaging in brain-stimulating activities like crossword puzzles can
strenthen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
memory
Use synonyms
 recall abilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, understanding one's unique
memory
Use synonyms
 type - auditory, visual, tactile or hybrid - can help individuals to benefit
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 special strategies,
acordingly
Correct your spelling
accordingly
.
Finally
Linking Words
, using
Correct article usage
a
show examples
to-do-list
Correct your spelling
to-do list
show examples
 and
calenders
Correct your spelling
calendars
show examples
 can
live
Correct your spelling
leave
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free room for efficiently memorizing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the necessary information. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
, some reasons
such
Linking Words
 as vitamin deficiency,
over reliance
Add a hyphen
over-reliance
show examples
 on technology
instead
Linking Words
 of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 mind, and multi-tasking
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
 in memorizing ability, but individuals can tackle
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their forgetfulness by having healthy
dish
Fix the agreement mistake
dishes
show examples
, playing puzzles or using
calenders
Correct your spelling
calendars
show examples
.
Submitted by skharratian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Ensure consistent use of singular and plural forms for nouns, e.g., "most of individuals" should be "most individuals."
language
Double-check spelling errors to improve readability, e.g., "defeciency" should be "deficiency," "resulte" should be "result."
task achievement
Expand on some examples with more detail and explanation to make your points stronger.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes key points.
task achievement
You've identified several relevant causes for poor memory, such as nutrient deficiency and reliance on technology.
coherence
Good organization with distinct paragraphs discussing causes and improvements.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: