Some people suggest that setting up more gyms will encourage people to remain active. What problems are associated with this proposal? What solutions can you offer for good health?
No doubt, increasing physical activity has many benefits for the body. Some people argue that building more gyms will benefit the
population
; it will be a good incentive to start Use synonyms
practicing
exercises. Change the spelling
practising
This
essay highlights the associated problems and possible resolutions to improve Linking Words
health
.
One concern in terms of opening more gyms is that many of Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
fitness places Correct determiner usage
these
does
not offer a coach when signing up the membership. If the client wants Change the verb form
do
to
Change preposition
apply
someone
to assist in the Use synonyms
trainings
, they need to pay more to get the service. Change the wording
training
pieces of training
Consequently
, a lot Linking Words
people
start to go to the gym aiming to improve their physical Change preposition
of people
health
, Use synonyms
however
, they might end up getting seriously injured if they do not know how to do the exercise properly. To tackle Linking Words
this
issue, companies need to stop thinking just Linking Words
in
the profit, it is needed to hire Change preposition
about
someone
skilled to assist the clients in their Use synonyms
activitities
. Correct your spelling
activities
Moreover
, opening a lot of gyms can cause competition, many Linking Words
business
can suffer Change to a plural noun
businesses
with
that. In Change preposition
from
constrast
, competition pushes the business to have and work in their Correct your spelling
contrast
differencial
, to make the client Correct your spelling
differential
signing-up
or not leaving the gym.
Correct your spelling
signing up
The exercise
is crucial for increasing Correct article usage
Exercise
health
, but is not the only thing. Use synonyms
A good
Remove the article
Good
health
Use synonyms
encompass
many factors, Change the verb form
encompasses
such
as: emotional, physical, and spiritual. To improve Linking Words
health
, a multidisciplinary Use synonyms
approch
needs to be taken, looking after these dimensions. Correct your spelling
approach
Government
should encourage the Correct article usage
The government
population
to work out these domains and to seek Use synonyms
for
help if needed. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, Linking Words
someone
who suffers Use synonyms
with
obesityChange preposition
from
,
does not need only to go to the gym, a Remove the comma
apply
counsellour
needs to support him to understand the root of his problem. Correct your spelling
counsellor
Furthermore
, new policies Linking Words
needs
to be created Change the verb form
need
in
the food labels, Change preposition
on
instead
of just having a small table on the back of the product, it might be useful Linking Words
having
it bigger, so people can see what they are eating.
In conclusion, there are many benefits of opening new fitness places, but it needs to be done in the right way, with Change the verb form
to have
someone
qualified Use synonyms
working
at these places to avoid injuries. Change the verb form
to work
Also
, the government should Linking Words
incentive
the Correct your spelling
incentivise
population
to work in these three domains: physical, mental, and spiritual. Use synonyms
Nonetheless
, new policies need to be created in the food labels, making it more visible to the Linking Words
population
.Use synonyms
Submitted by nathmoura on
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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the structure to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, providing a clearer flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that the main points are consistently supported by relevant examples or evidence to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, wrapping up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and raises pertinent issues related to the proposal of opening more gyms.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits and problems associated with opening more gyms.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example