IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to solve the world‘s environmental problem is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that environmental
health
Use synonyms
 is a crucial factor around the world.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that a good path to
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
 environmental issues is to increase the cost of fuel, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that there are many solutions to solve it.
To begin
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 with, we can reduce environmental pollution in many ways.
In other words
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, we can increase the
use
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 of renewable
energy
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,
such
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 as using natural resources like sun, water, wind, and forest; many countries rely on
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
 to provide
energy
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 around their countries, like Sudan and Japan.
In addition
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, the administration that they are using renewable
energy
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
recorded an increase in
health
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 rate.
For example
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, a study in Japan shows that the level of lung cancer decreased
due to
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reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of pollution.Another point to consider is that the government should enhance and invest in public
transportation
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that when individuals
use
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 public
transportation
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 rather than private
transportation
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,
this
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 will contribute to reducing the level of carbon dioxide, which protects environmental
health
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.
Moreover
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, public
transportation
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 offers many benefits,
such
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 as it will help people to avoid traffic problems, does not require a lot of money, and saves time and effort.
For instance
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, the survey conducted in China shows that King Railway in China helps them to go anywhere in the city with a low cost of money.In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that the government should
use
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 alternative
energy
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 and encourage people to
use
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 public
transportation
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 to enhance environmental
health
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.

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task achievement
Your response could be improved by explicitly addressing the potential impacts of increasing fuel prices. While you provided excellent alternatives, further explanation on why this method might not be optimal should enhance your argument.
task achievement
Using examples from additional countries or statistics could bolster your argument, offering a more comprehensive global perspective.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your examples and supporting points more clearly by signaling topic sentences and transitions. This would improve the logical structure and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as Japan and China, highlights countries that effectively utilize renewable energy and public transportation, providing strong support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains well-elaborated points about the benefits of alternative energies and public transport, demonstrating an insightful understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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