IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, human activities negatively impact the environment;
thus
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, several people are encouraged to research alternative areas to live
such
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 as Mars, Saturnus, etc.
This
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 is because the Earth - a planet where humans live - has been unsuitable for their habitats.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 strategy since it does not effectively solve the root of the problems of global warming.
To begin
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 with, the decision to migrate to a different galaxy is deeply connected with financial situation and personality in the society. First and foremost, if the community are wealthy, they have an unlimited budget to help them adapt to the new area.
Conversely
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, the majority of people who are in the low-middle class will not afford
this
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 strategy, specifically when they should restart their careers in new areas, they might run out a lot of money before they acquire a salary.
On the other hand
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, bad habits will always follow the community even though they do not live on the Earth. To illustrate
this
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, when an individual always throws away waste to the river, they will still do the same behaviour in their current environment.
This
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 is because,
according to
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 the Physiologist, behaviour is really difficult to remove unless the community has felt the impact of their negative actions. In conclusion, it is undeniable that human behaviour leads to air, water, and land pollution.
As a result
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, to tackle
this
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 problem, it needs collaboration between society and the government.
Firstly
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, the government should promote green practices
such
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 as recycling waste, using sustainable packaging, etc.,
as well as
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 explain the effects of
this
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 action.
Moreover
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, the researcher should discover renewable energy;
thus
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, a lot of people still can use energy for their daily lives.

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task achievement
Strengthen the examples by including specific, real-world evidence to support your points, which would increase the effectiveness of your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly express ideas and enhance their comprehensiveness by explaining them further.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition sentences and connections between ideas to enhance cohesion, ensuring that all points flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
You effectively present an introduction and conclusion, framing your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay logically addresses the prompt and delivers a clear message, maintaining a consistent stance throughout.
task achievement
The argument against migration to other planets is presented in a structured manner, linking financial and behavioral challenges clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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