IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the main purpose of
schools
Use synonyms
 is nurturing obedient and good workers for a country, rather than helping them to thrive as individuals. I firmly agree with that statement, as the school system instils social
values
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 and teaches discipline, which is vital for good citizens of the nation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with rigorous rules, school accustoms adolescents to social norms and showcases what is good and bad. Through strict schedules and uniform policies,
for instance
Linking Words
, they prepare young students for future work.
Schools
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 embrace
values
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as obedience, which are important to become effective employees.
As a result
Linking Words
, they bring citizens that are totally ready to contribute to their country.
Such
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 practice can be seen in China, where discipline is thoroughly taught in the
schools
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, and,
therefore
Linking Words
, workers there are considered the most diligent ones on the planet, who can work more than 50 hours a week.
Moreover
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, educational establishments instil societal
values
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they teach appropriate behaviour
that is
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 considered conventional.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 prevent possible criminals and eliminate any chances of the occurrence of crimes. Numerous social interactions on a daily basis compel them to fit into the local community.
Such
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 practices are essential for a good citizen, as they create a safe environment for the government and society. To illustrate, there is a high rate of crime in Brazil, which probably stems from the low-quality education of the population. In conclusion,
schools
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 are significant for developing a secure society, filled with good citizens, and
this
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 is achieved by teaching proper
values
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as discipline.

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Task Achievement
To strengthen your task response, consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and directly address the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples to support the main points, enhancing the argument's credibility.
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