IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many major cities around the world have become too expensive for lower-income people to reside in. What problems does this cause, and how can they be solved? Айназым

#cities #world #people
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The
risings
Change the noun form
rising
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 cost of living in megalopolises over the world
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has created significant challenges for many people with
lower-income
Correct your spelling
lower income
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. It can cause many people
sleep
Fix the infinitive
to sleep
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 outside and the most available solution is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
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 of affordable housing and improving
education
Use synonyms
 programs. As we know, pupils move to
a major cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
major cities
a major city
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 because of the jobless where they come and we call
this
Linking Words
 issue
as
Change preposition
apply
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an
Remove the article
apply
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urbanisation.
However
Linking Words
, to make it clear, urbanisation often leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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competitive
job-skills
Correct your spelling
job skills
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, where high-paying jobs
specialized
Add a missing verb
are specialized
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due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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capacity and
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many lower-income families may not
access
Add a missing verb
have access
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in
Change preposition
to
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education
Use synonyms
 skills,
that’s
Correct your spelling
that is
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 why they often have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of income to pay for places to live. It may cause homelessness and poverty which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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involves going drop in
economy
Add an article
the economy
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. To overcome
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 challenges, government should invest more money in affordable housing to ensure lower-income families have a roof over their
head
Fix the agreement mistake
heads
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Improving access
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and job training programs
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can help individuals to achieve higher-paying jobs, ensuring enough income to pay for apartments or flats.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Almaty,
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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houses are too expensive for people who just came to a major city looking for a job,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 creates an issue
homelessness
Change preposition
of homelessness
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. Providing social support
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 housing or financial assistance may reduce the number of homeless citizens. In conclusion, the rising costs
for
Change preposition
of
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 living
major
Change preposition
in major
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 cities can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
challenges
as
Change preposition
of
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a
Remove the article
apply
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homelessness.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there can be a few solutions with support from local governments.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents relevant points, but it would benefit from deeper analysis and discussion of the issues and solutions. Aim to fully explore each point for a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay can be improved. Ensure that your points transition smoothly and logically from one to the next, and consider providing more linking phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your main points, which will help to develop your argument further.
task achievement
You have addressed the major issues concerning the high cost of living in major cities and provided some potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, clearly structuring your response.
task achievement
You provided a specific example related to Almaty, which helps to illustrate your point about homelessness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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