IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

It is argued that
people
Use synonyms
 should continue to
work
Use synonyms
 in their old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. I
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because it has a positive impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some believe that it is not beneficial for individuals to
work
Use synonyms
 in their old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because it has
a harmful effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
harmful effects
a harmful effect
show examples
 on them
due to
Linking Words
 the hard pressure they put on themselves which leads them to have health issues
such
Linking Words
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 and high blood pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, an old doctor in King Khalied Hospital died at 72 years old with a
strok
Correct your spelling
stroke
due to
Linking Words
 the pressure that he put on himself to cope with high numbers of
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that working in an old age
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 live positively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that working late in
life
Use synonyms
 affects
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 positively.
This
Linking Words
 is because they feel happy when they do something for other
people
Use synonyms
 which gives them a sense of
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
 and helps them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid depression and the feeling of
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Oxford University shows that
people
Use synonyms
 who continued to
work
Use synonyms
 after they passed the age of retirement are more happier than those who retired early in their lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that doing
work
Use synonyms
 at an old age is a good way to live a happy
life
Use synonyms
 which is filled
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 satisfaction. In conclusion, despite the negative effects of working in
people
Use synonyms
's old
life
Use synonyms
, I believe that the continues of doing the
work
Use synonyms
 increases older
indivduals'
Correct your spelling
individuals'
 happiness and helps them to escape from routine and
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant to your main arguments. The example of the doctor dying due to pressure is dramatic and may not be seen as a typical reason against working in old age. Consider examples that are more directly related to common experiences of working seniors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Double-check for minor spelling errors ('stroke' instead of 'strok', 'loneliness' instead of 'lonliness') to improve clarity and professionalism.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure transitions between ideas are smooth. The essay could benefit from clearer signposting between contrasting viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, making it easy for the reader to grasp your standpoint immediately.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong conclusion restates your opinion effectively, wrapping up the discussion nicely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs discussing distinct points, which makes it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: