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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The charts illustrate information about the number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 from
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 who
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 abroad from 1985 to 1995 and Australia's revenue from the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourist market.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the charts is that there were upward trends in
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 travelling. Australia's share has significantly grown by 1995, which is related to the increase in
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourist numbers. Looking at the details, the number of
Japanese
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tourists
Use synonyms
 has
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 increased throughout one decade, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than 4 million in 1985.
This
Linking Words
 number
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose to reach just around 11,000,000
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 1990, followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a slight drop before continued rising to the peak of 15 million visitors
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given period. Moving to Australia's share of the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourist market, It could be seen that in 1985 the income sharply rose until 1988 at 4%,
then
Linking Words
 experienced a decline for one year.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the revenue dramatically increased before it showed a slight decrease to reach 6% by the
last
Linking Words
 year.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, japanese with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourism industry
  • market share
  • travelling abroad
  • fluctuations
  • steady increase
  • peak
  • moderate growth
  • correlation
  • notable surge
  • steady growth
  • levels off
  • slight decline
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