Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

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Some
people
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think that too much harmful
content
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is present on the internet today, and they feel like the only way around
this
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problem is for the
government
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to censor the
content
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of
websites
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. I believe, that indeed, the
government
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should censor to some extent the
content
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that is
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available out there, in order to make the online presence of us
more safe
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safer
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.
Nowdays
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Nowadays
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, children of
such
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young ages are allowed to use smartphones or own one.
This
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means that one can have unlimited access to a vast pool of information, and infants sometimes can not fully grasp the difference between good and bad. For them, things they might consume on the internet are just entertaining. And make no mistake, some things that are harmful for young ages
such
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as
violence related
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violence-related
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content
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, child pornography, or even false advertisement of different drugs for
wight
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weight
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loss
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for
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, for
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example, might be harmful for adults as well. In cases like those. governments should geologically make these
websites
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, unreachable to their population.
Furthermore
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, if there are edge cases where some
websites
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might slip under the radar of the
government
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, a
complaint based
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complaint-based
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mechanism should be implemented, where
people
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can inform the
governement
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government
, in order for them to take the needed action.
In addition
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, I believe that there must be a line
of
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between
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what should the
government
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censor and what not. Under the censored
content
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category should strictly and explicitly fall only those harmful, unhealthy and
unmoral
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immoral
inducing activities
websites
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. The
government
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however
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, however
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, by no means, should never use
this
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card to
misslead
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mislead
people
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,
missinform
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misinform
misinformed
them or hide information from them. A fit example for
this
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case would be South Korea, where their leader has gone completely out of the way, under the censor claim, making his
people
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believe completely false and inaccurate information. In conclusion, the
government
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should truly censor the harmful
conent
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content
consent
, making our online space safer, not just for ourselves but for young generations as well.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure a logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Using more varied linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Make sure all main points are fully developed with specific examples or further explanation to strengthen your argument. Consider expanding on points with more detailed evidence or reasoning.
General Writing Advice
Be cautious of small grammatical and spelling errors, such as "nowdays" which should be "nowadays" and "governement" which should be "government." While minor, these errors can distract from the clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, framing your argument well with a clear stance and summary.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and offers a thoughtful perspective on the extent of government censorship.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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