IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in dependency on
technology
Use synonyms
 by pupils, affecting their reading and writing skills. Despite the endless convenience computers have brought to the educational systems, I strongly believe that incorporating modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in the educational systems of schools should be abandoned because the disadvantages outweigh the merits. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are as follows. First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that utilizing computers in the process of teaching school students has made them completely inactive. Using PowerPoints or videos by tutors in order to teach scientific issues makes children see no need to make notes, converting them to mere listeners and spoiling their writing abilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has been scientifically proved that reading a book through a screen
such
Linking Words
 as a tablet or mobile prevents readers from comprehending the main points, which
also
Linking Words
 diminishes reading ability.
As a result
Linking Words
, I believe that utilizing
technology
Use synonyms
 for children could be even disastrous in the long term.
Secondly
Linking Words
 and even more importantly, though, is the fact that modern ways of teaching could nurture lazy individuals in society. Schools are the crucial places for learning skills and qualifications which are necessary in the process of learning;
however
Linking Words
, too much reliance on computers has made students reluctant to cooperate in practical issues, leading to an exponential decline in their grades and efficiency,
consequently
Linking Words
. So, if governments wish to be consistent in nurturing a knowledgeable generation, they should return to traditional methods, which have proved to be the most successful ones. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that It seems that despite the undeniable benefits
technology
Use synonyms
 has brought in modern life, it has been disadvantageous for school children with their education.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This could enhance the argument and make it more relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider expanding on how exactly technology could be both advantageous and problematic to balance the argument.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a consistent flow of arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument effectively.
complete response
You've responded to all parts of the question, analyzing both the positive and negative aspects of technology in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Reliance
  • Literacy skills
  • Handwriting
  • Cognitive development
  • Memory retention
  • Digital engagement
  • Tactile experience
  • Enhance
  • Diversify
  • Balanced skill set
  • Traditional teaching methods
  • Digital literacy
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Reading comprehension
  • Critical thinking
  • Technological proficiency
  • Educational technology
  • Foundational skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: