Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to straight after school. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Opinion differs regarding the information about which one would be better between continue learning at
university
and straight directly after school make some public Use synonyms
have
discussions about that. In my perspective, nowadays, with the internet, society can improve their ability without formal education from the Unnecessary verb
apply
university
, Use synonyms
while
the lessons and certificates thoroughly that students would get in Linking Words
the
real life from it are irreplaceable. Correct article usage
apply
That things
would be advantages for graduate students when they lookChange the determiner
That thing
Those things
a
job in the future.
On the one hand, The idea of working directly after school is not always bad, people would get Change preposition
for a
salary
and devote their time to their work. Correct article usage
a salary
For example
, a cashier from the market unnecessary a certain curriculum Linking Words
of
their portfolio. They can apply Change preposition
for
that
kind of job with any background. Change preposition
for that
However
, the employees of that kind of job would be in that position with uncertain times and career paths, as the top levels need better education to achieve.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Studying at Linking Words
university
can make Use synonyms
the
people think bigger than before. Correct article usage
apply
Beside
they learn about the up to date knowledge, they Correct your spelling
Besides
also
would interact with other students and Linking Words
many
activities that would grow their abilities, skills and notions. Add a missing verb
do many
For example
, the organisation in the college provide several options to fulfil their learning journey. They can choose the type of that Linking Words
according to
their passion without leaving their academic requirement.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
Linking Words
the
people would get a salary directly after school period, the decision to continue learning at the Correct article usage
apply
university
provides better benefits in the long term. The graduate student would have a better portfolio and can be the promised candidate in the future.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your opinion, which is good. However, the response could be more detailed in explaining the benefits and drawbacks of each side. Try to elaborate more on why university education is irreplaceable and how it specifically benefits career prospects, as well as further discuss the limitations of starting work immediately after school.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words to enhance the flow of the essay, guiding readers through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but try to provide more specific examples or evidence, especially in the section about university benefits and career impacts. Real-life examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear opinion and conclusion, which ties back to the arguments you discussed. This is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You make a valid comparison between university education and starting work after school. This is well done and is key to addressing the essay prompt.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.