The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph compares three different kinds of meat and fish in terms of consumption between 1979 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that,
while
Linking Words
the consumption of Beef and Lamb decreased with fluctuations, the
chicken
Use synonyms
showed an upward trend. Meanwhile Fish slightly decreased over time. 

As the graph shows.
Chicken
Use synonyms
started just below 150 in 1979 and stopped at around 200 by 1989.
Then
Linking Words
, in 1994 intake of
chicken
Use synonyms
reached amount just under 250.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2004 after a steady drop,
chicken
Use synonyms
demand attained 250 and became the most widely consumed meat. At the start of the period, in 1979 Beef was at approximately 220 and after rapid changes, it fell to 200 grams per person by 1989 and had a gradual decrease till 2004 when it dropped to just over 100. At the same time, Lamb
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started with only 150 in 1979 and slightly raised by 1984,
however
Linking Words
after fluctuations, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a drop to just under 100 in 1994, though, after a quick increase by 1999, there was a short variation till 2004 when it
finally
Linking Words
reached nearly 60. 

Fish was relatively stable in comparison with meat, and remained the least eaten product of all, though it remained relatively stable.
First,
Linking Words
it started at around 60 in 1979,
then
Linking Words
dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
to less than 50 over time.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chicken with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: