IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behavior #host #country #differences
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due to
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 globalisation,
people
Use synonyms
moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 from one part of earth to another, which helps to get a chance to travel around the world and decrease the
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 differences between them. some individuals think that travellers have to adapt local rituals of that particular country;
however
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, others believe that the destination
people
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 should accept their different
culture
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. in
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 am going to discuss both sides before giving my own opinion. the main reason
of follow
Change preposition
for following
show examples
 the
culture
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that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 sometimes
people
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 are more
possesive
Correct your spelling
positive
 about their
culture
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, they do not want
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
an anonymous person
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
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 something wrong
on
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in
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 their holy places
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of knowledge about that religion. so, if visitors have little knowledge about that
culture
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, they know about
do's
Correct article usage
the do's
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 and don't of their
culture
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 and have more respect for each other.
however
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, on the other side, visitors
also
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 have their own customs from birth, which they follow
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
that is
Linking Words
 why for some
people
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its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy to adapt new
culture
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.
for example
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,
india
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India
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 is known for diversity
due to
Linking Words
 having 122 languages, 29 states and a variety of
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 differences from
northern
Correct article usage
the northern
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 to
southern
Add an article
the southern
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 part. every part has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own customs and beliefs because of which they behave differently.
people
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 respect each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
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 lifestyle but find it hard to adapt
another
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to another
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culture
Use synonyms
 just for visiting.
to conclude
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 me,
people
Use synonyms
 should accept and respect every
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
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 and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little knowledge about their
culture
Use synonyms
 to avoid any bad happenings
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by sukhjinderkaur6283 on

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task response
The essay addresses both views on the topic adequately, but ensure each paragraph focuses on a single point before elaborating. Discuss more specific details about the importance of following or not following local customs.
coherence cohesion
Organize the structure more clearly, with a separate paragraph for each view before presenting your opinion. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion, making the essay easier to follow.
task response
The introduction clearly states both perspectives, setting a context for the essay discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and states your opinion, offering a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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