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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, there is a changing trend among individuals to withdraw from their work and get back to education.

Nowadays, there is a changing trend among individuals to withdraw from their work and get back to education.
This
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 essay will discuss the various merits and demerits of leaving their
career
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as well as
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 justify why the limitations outweigh its benefits.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 leave their
jobs
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 for various
reasons
Punctuation problem
reasons,
show examples
 one of the main reasons is to
purse
Use the right word
pursue
show examples
 specific objectives. These goals, which often require more knowledge and developing new
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
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 require time to be consumed effectively, which is sometimes not possible
due to
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 a working lifestyle.
Moreover
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, many
jobs
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 ,especially
IT
Punctuation problem
IT,
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 demand that employees have a professional certificate to build their confidence in their ability to do better in their
career
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 path.
This
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 can foster their opportunity to be a competitive candidate.
For example
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, a computer engineer would not be fully qualified unless they obtain a professional certificate ,
such
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 as CCNA.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 certain drawbacks for employees who quit their careers. One of the main drawbacks is that financial stability for individuals will be affected by leaving their
jobs
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.
This
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 results in more distractions that will hinder them from achieving objectives.
Although
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 leaving one's
career
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 is more suitable for younger
people
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, it would not be a good choice for elderly
people
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. They will face difficulties
such
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 as online courses, which require them to use technology and may be difficult for them.
Thus
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, older
people
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 may struggle to leave their
jobs
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 and find classes that take into consideration their abilities and limitations. In conclusion,
while
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 leaving
jobs
Use synonyms
 to pursue education may provide opportunities and professional advancement for individuals,
this
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 decision often leads to financial instability.
Although
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 a
career
Use synonyms
 break can be a good option for a certain age group, it may not benefit others, as the drawbacks are more significant than the potential advantages.

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structure
Make the plan clear in each paragraph. One main idea per paragraph; use small linking words to join ideas.
style
Use shorter sentences and simple words. This makes reading flow better.
accuracy
Fix spelling and small grammar mistake (purse → pursue, spacing around commas) to be exact.
conclusion
End with a strong conclusion that repeats your view and the main ideas from the body.
content
Add more exact examples for each point to back up your view.
structure
Clear topic at the start and a plan to discuss both sides.
content
An example (CCNA) is used to show real skill.
analysis
The essay shows a personal view and tries to weigh sides.
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