IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The company you work has decided to close the cafeteria, as the staff is not using it much. You are not happy with the decision. Write a letter to the director Give reason of low use How it will affect the staff Suggest ways to improve it

#company #work #cafeteria #staff #decision #director #reason
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Dear Sir, I am Payal Khandelwal ,working as a Business Head in your office situated at the Beach road and writing
this
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 letter to show the disappointment about the decision to close the
cafeteria
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 in the company.
Firstly
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, I am aware of the situation that
this
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cafeteria
Use synonyms
 is not used by the staff frequently which leads to fewer sales and
hence
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 ,the company made the decision to close it.
However
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, a less food items and the high prices of tea are the reasons behind the low usage of the
cafeteria
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 and when the staff have a little bit of time
instead
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 of buying the tea for a high price they go to the shops where prices are cheaper. But do note in case of emergencies ,and during the night shifts
cafeteria
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 is the only option for office members. Taking into consideration the above points, I would suggest rather than closing the cafe we need to work on improving sales by adding more items to the menu and lowering the prices of the existing menu. I hope you will look into the matter and come up with the solution which is best for everyone. Yours Sincerely, Payal
Submitted by pskhandelwal13 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Focus on elaborating the points about how the cafeteria's closure will affect the staff to enhance task response.
coherence cohesion
The letter opens with a clear introduction and closes neatly, maintaining engagement with the reader.
task achievement
The writing tone is appropriate for a formal letter to a director, showing respect and professionalism.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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