IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people feel that students should learn from online materials while others feel that it is better to use printed materials. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #materials
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A sizable share of citizens consider that students ought to use electronic versions of books during their studying process.
In contrast
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, others believe that traditional books are a better option. I do accept that printed
materials
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 are a good source of
information
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 because they are reliable and it is easy to get access to the
information
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 which is needed using them. Each book contains only proven
information
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 as it usually undergoes multiple checks before being introduced to learners.
In addition
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, all the data is well-structured and
broken-up
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broken up
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 by
variety
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a variety
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 of topics.
That is
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 why students do not have to spend hours searching for necessary sources of
information
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. To illustrate, when a medical student
need
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needs
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an
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information
a piece of information
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information
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 regarding
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 disease, he can easily find it
out
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by
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 reading an appropriate chapter of a book.
However
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, I think that contemporary cutting-edge technology can offer the same opportunities to people, being even more
convinient
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convenient
 because students can study distantly saving
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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time which might be spent on attending libraries. I share the view of those who support utilising electronic educational
materials
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 as an optimal strategy to prevent global warming. It is a well-known phenomenon that printed books require great volumes of timber for their production, exacerbating
an
Correct article usage
the
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 issue of deforestation.
This
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 problem, in turn, deteriorates the greenhouse effect which is extremely harmful
for
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to
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 humankind.
That is
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 why, if we switch to e-books, it might be not only a more
convinient
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convenient
 alternative to their paper versions
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 a powerful tool for
prevention
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the prevention
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multiple
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of multiple
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 natural disasters across the globe.
For example
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, recent research published in the Times broadsheet reported
theat
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that
 the superseding paper
materials
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 by their online versions are able to reduce carbon emissions by 40%.
Hence
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, we should support the initiative with e-books. In conclusion,
although
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 printed
materials
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 have their benefits for studying, I am convinced that online educational
materials
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 are an optimal substitution
to
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for
show examples
 them as they might prevent global warming significantly preserving our lives.
Submitted by halynasmyk953 on

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task achievement
Consider enriching your argument with a wider range of examples. Adding more diverse examples can further illustrate the points you're making.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors to enhance clarity and coherence; for instance, some phrases can be slightly refined.
task achievement
You've presented clear arguments for both sides of the issue, which shows good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument easily.
coherence cohesion
You use logical connectors effectively, making the flow of ideas smooth and coherent.
task achievement
The examples you used are relevant and help support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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