IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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History has
witness
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witnessed
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 serious conflicts between countries which have been led by male leaders, so people start
wondring
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wondering
, would female leadership bring more peace
more
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apply
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than male
?.
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?
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 In my opinion, diplomatic and peaceful role depends on several factors, and gender is not one of them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most
civlazations
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civilizations
 were or
now
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are now
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 being ruled by a king or male
presedent
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president
precedent
, and
wars
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war
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is
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was
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 a normal stage in most countries,
it
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they
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 either built it stronger or
breaking
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broke
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 it up.
However
Linking Words
 as men were the leaders, all the
blames
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blame
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pointed
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was pointed
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 at them
,
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apply
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 and
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this build
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build
Wrong verb form
built
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 a stereotype about the harsh
masculan
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masculine
leadrship
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leadership
. I think if the social norm back
then
Linking Words
 were
feminen
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feminine
 rule, the same judges would apply
on
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to
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 them.

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task achievement
Clarify your stance clearly in the introduction and make sure to address the question directly. Try to expand on your opinion or explain how different factors apart from gender can affect leadership style.
task achievement
Support your points with examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and give more depth to your essay. You could include historical instances of female leaders who have led peacefully.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically to enhance the flow of your essay. Consider using linking words or phrases to help connect your ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introductory paragraph effectively raises an interesting perspective on the impact of gender on leadership style.
main points
The essay's argument stands out, highlighting the dependency of leadership qualities on factors beyond gender norms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • patriarchy
  • conflict resolution
  • diplomacy
  • gender equality
  • leadership styles
  • historical precedence
  • crisis management
  • peacebuilding
  • matriarchy
  • stereotypes
  • inclusive governance
  • societal norms
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