IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries men and women are having children at later age than in the past. What are reasons for this development? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

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Having
children
Use synonyms
 in your family is one of the best and
blessed
Correct quantifier usage
most blessed
show examples
movement
Change to a plural noun
movements
show examples
 in our
life
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 men and women have
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 later
age
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to the past. I believe that that having
children
Use synonyms
 at
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
 is is more beneficial which I will explain in upcoming
paragrphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
. It
is clearly know
Change the verb form
is clearly known
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 in developing
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in Asia and Africa have their
children
Use synonyms
 at early
age
Use synonyms
 as compared to North America and Europe which are more developed
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
I believe is one of the major
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 which we can see.
People
Use synonyms
 who have
children
Use synonyms
 at
later
Add an article
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 can use their full potential in their work with all of their dedication and
and focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 as they don't have much of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibilities to take care
, especially
Change preposition
of, especially
show examples
 of their
children
Use synonyms
.
Few
Correct article usage
The few
show examples
 best
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 we can have a look
are
Change preposition
at are
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
very famous celebrities,
Ceo
Fix the agreement mistake
CEOs
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 and owner of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multi-billions
Correct your spelling
multi-billion
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companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 who have gained success in their
respected
Replace the word
respective
show examples
 fields. So
people
Use synonyms
 having
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
age
Use synonyms
 can enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 without any responsibilities and enjoy freedom in their
life
Use synonyms
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, there is a downside
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 ruin their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because they never want to take any kind of
responibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
People
Use synonyms
 who have
children
Use synonyms
 at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 are more responsible and less selfish and learn to take of each other within the family.
Children
Use synonyms
 keep the whole family joint. Men and women both sense their responsibilities and try
further
Linking Words
 hard to achieve success in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 so that they can provide their
children
Use synonyms
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 best
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I think having
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
age
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 as compared to the pastwhich has
also
Linking Words
 helped women to come forward in society and achieve success but their disadvantage can't be ignored.

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task achievement
Your essay mentions some reasons for people having children later, but make sure to explicitly connect these reasons to your main points, like career focus and freedom. Adding examples like actual statistics or studies about the trend can strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity. Some sentences can be rephrased for better understanding. For example, 'which we can see' can be simply stated as 'visible'.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a topic sentence that clearly outlines what each paragraph will discuss. This will improve the logical structure of your essay, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both positive and negative aspects, which indicates a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the topic well by providing an overview of the trend of having children at a later age.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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