IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

•Some people think the government should strickly control the supply of fresh water as it is a limited resourse, while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#•some #people #government #control #water #resourse
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In recent years, the
regulation
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 of freshwater supply has sparked considerable debate
due to
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 the diverse perspectives within society. On the one hand, strict government control of freshwater is widely supported,
while
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on the other hand
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, unregulated usage has
also
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 gained significant attention. I believe governments should take a proactive role in regulating freshwater supply.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides of the argument, comparing and contrasting their respective positions.
To begin
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 with, proponents of the first viewpoint argue that freshwater is a scarce and vital resource that must be protected.
This
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 argument is supported by evidence of growing
water
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 shortages in many parts of the world, particularly in regions where
water
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 is mismanaged or overused. Empirical research has provided compelling evidence that unregulated use often leads to irreversible environmental degradation, with studies showing that ecosystems and agriculture suffer greatly when
water
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 supplies are depleted. These findings highlight the critical importance of government intervention to ensure sustainable usage, leading many to emphasize its relevance in today's world.
On the other hand
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, opponents of
regulation
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 assert that individuals and businesses should have the freedom to use
water
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 as needed without government-imposed limitations.
For instance
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, some industries depend on unrestricted access to
water
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 for their operations, arguing that
regulation
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 could hinder economic growth and innovation.
Nevertheless
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,
while
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this
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 perspective acknowledges the need for flexibility, it often overlooks the long-term consequences of overconsumption and the ethical responsibility to conserve resources for future generations. In conclusion, both sides of the argument offer valid points, but from my perspective, government
regulation
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 is the more
favorable
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favourable
show examples
 option because it ensures the equitable distribution and sustainable management of freshwater. The presented evidence strongly suggests that regulated usage holds significant weight in addressing the growing global
water
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 crisis.
Submitted by bahare.hatamy on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument, as it will help provide concrete evidence for your points.
task achievement
Ensure that examples used distinctly support the argument being made, helping the reader to clearly see the connection.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining your transitions between ideas to enhance the natural flow of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage effectively by presenting both perspectives, which aligns well with the prompt's requirements.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion restates your position clearly, reinforcing your argument and summarizing the discussion effectively.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint.
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