IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds.

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Some believe that the government should support
artists
Use synonyms
 like musicians, painters, and poets,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a misuse of funds. Many think that
artists
Use synonyms
 are provided with finance by the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
, but for
others
Use synonyms
, it is just a waste of money. In
this
Linking Words
 essay will
be got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 some ideas for supporting both arguments. There are some advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 supporting musicians, painters, and
others
Use synonyms
 by the state. First of all, the works of
artists
Use synonyms
 help people who work
with
Change preposition
under
show examples
 pressure and always get stressed,
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 rid of stress. They can forget their problems
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 listening to music or viewing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
pictures.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the arts are the best thing that learn and introduce other countries' cultures and history. Because every artist uses their environmental conditions when they produce new works.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a lot of spheres that are more important than arts. The government spends more money on improving educational systems and building some social infrastructure like hospitals, kindergartens, and
others
Use synonyms
. These fields are key parts of the government system, and almost no one gets financial aid for
this
Linking Words
 except for the state.
Also
Linking Words
, improving educational systems and supporting social structures is the main purpose for all
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
 countries that want to be gigantic. The reason why only the state that can get a good social life for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 becomes developed. In conclusion, there are some advantages and disadvantages to spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
. All governments should choose the way that takes into account their own financial conditions.

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task achievement
Work on providing specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help in making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure clarity and completeness in your ideas by expanding on some points or providing additional context and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more confidently to improve the logical flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments explicitly to provide depth to your discussion and show an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, an important aspect of task response.
coherence cohesion
There is noticeable effort to structure the essay into clear sections for introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
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