IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, inclunding young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, lots of
people
Use synonyms
 put their money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 banks
due to
Linking Words
 save it for
future
Use synonyms
porpuses
Correct your spelling
purposes
show examples
. They think having a certain amount of cash is vital for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
. But is it really important
this
Linking Words
 much or not? I believe that saving up is pretty important that
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
show examples
 should try to
it
Add a missing verb
do it
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss it and support my opinion with examples. Generally speaking,
reasing
Correct your spelling
raising
 funds makes
people
Use synonyms
 more
pationed
Correct your spelling
passioned
 about the
future
Use synonyms
. What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that most of the
time
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 save, in order to reach the thing they have
planed
Correct your spelling
planned
show examples
 for it for a
while
Linking Words
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they tend to manage their cost and, even life expenses more than before to make their dream come true as soon as possible.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Having cash support makes them feel more secure
as well as
Linking Words
 independent. Take an emergency situation like sickness as an example. By being secure
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
,
people
Use synonyms
 feel less worried in
such
Linking Words
 situations.
In addition
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 can benefit by saving up to buy a house or car for themselves in
future
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they could start a new life on their own
feel
Correct word choice
and feel
show examples
 more
exited
Correct your spelling
excited
show examples
 to have a prospect for their
future
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in some cases,
people
Use synonyms
 feel they lost the ability to live in present. They tend to
be worry
Change the verb form
worry
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 all the
time
Use synonyms
 and become anxious.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they may
tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that they are chasing their dreams all the
time
Use synonyms
 and are not able to feel happy with whatever they have right now. Even some
people
Use synonyms
 may overdo
this
Linking Words
possivite
Correct your spelling
positive
 act and
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 bad qualities
such
Linking Words
 as being cheap.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as we live in
area
Add an article
an area
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 all things
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
 all the
time
Use synonyms
, providing financial security can be the least thing we can do for ourselves.
However
Linking Words
, managing money seems to be a challenging job,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe by doing so we can elevate and
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 our quality of life in
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence and cohesion. Consider using transition words or phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the task achievement by making your arguments more convincing and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points and restating the opinion.
task achievement
You effectively communicated that saving money offers security and independence, which is one of the main points of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: