Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion
These days, it is essential that
people
pay taxes for their government to use it for some categories such
as health
, transportation and so on.For this
thing
a group of Add a comma
thing,
people
believe that this
money
should be spent on health
systems while
another one
thinks it ought to fund other elements. I subscribe to the second one
owing to the fact that when the whole countries
' problems are solved, countries
' inhabitants will be healthy people
.
On the one
hand, health
is an essential factor that has massive effects on countries
' economy due to
the fact the that when population are not in a good position of both mental and bodily health
, their work won't be yieldly; in fact, the economy cannot improve really good, so it is crucial that authorities invest money
for it because the health
treatment is really expensive.
On the other hand
, a number of matters that interact with each other, are in one
country that are solved by money
; therefore
, I advise that governments make a plan and list the work from necessary to not really important items that are related to the people
who are countries
' citizens and taxpayers; thereafter
, when authorities paying for a thing that is
in the list respectively, then
they will have healthy societies, growing economy, and have good companies. In addition
, in this
list healthcare, environments, and industrial centres are the main facts.
To sum up
, when countries
just invest money
that is
earned from communities in one
category, they are not able to enhance; in contrast
, funding for all things helps them to become better immediately.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your argument structure to ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis. For example, the introduction could be more focused on general views before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly states its main idea in the topic sentence to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and concrete.
task achievement
Clarify your stance more clearly and elaborate on your reasoning with detailed explanations.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both points of view and offers a personal opinion, which fulfills the basic requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay into paragraphs is commendable, showing a clear attempt to structure the response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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