IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

#people #governments #tax-payer #money #healthcare #areas #points
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These days, it is essential that
people
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 pay taxes for their government to use it for some categories
such
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 as
health
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, transportation and so on.For
this
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thing
Add a comma
thing,
show examples
 a group of
people
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 believe that
this
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money
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 should be spent on
health
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 systems
while
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 another
one
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 thinks it ought to fund other elements. I subscribe to the second
one
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 owing to the fact that when the whole
countries
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' problems are solved,
countries
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' inhabitants will be healthy
people
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. On the
one
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 hand,
health
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 is an essential factor that has massive effects on
countries
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' economy
due to
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 the fact the that when population are not in a good position of both mental and bodily
health
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, their work won't be yieldly; in fact, the economy cannot improve really good, so it is crucial that authorities invest
money
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 for it because the
health
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 treatment is really expensive.
On the other hand
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, a number of matters that interact with each other, are in
one
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 country that are solved by
money
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;
therefore
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, I advise that governments make a plan and list the work from necessary to not really important items that are related to the
people
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 who are
countries
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' citizens and taxpayers;
thereafter
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, when authorities paying for a thing
that is
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 in the list respectively,
then
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 they will have healthy societies, growing economy, and have good companies.
In addition
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, in
this
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 list healthcare, environments, and industrial centres are the main facts.
To sum up
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, when
countries
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 just invest
money
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that is
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 earned from communities in
one
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 category, they are not able to enhance;
in contrast
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, funding for all things helps them to become better immediately.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your argument structure to ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis. For example, the introduction could be more focused on general views before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly states its main idea in the topic sentence to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and concrete.
task achievement
Clarify your stance more clearly and elaborate on your reasoning with detailed explanations.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both points of view and offers a personal opinion, which fulfills the basic requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay into paragraphs is commendable, showing a clear attempt to structure the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tax-payer’s money
  • Healthcare
  • Long-term costs
  • Productive workforce
  • Sick days
  • Equal access
  • Essential services
  • Sectors
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Defense
  • Development
  • Security
  • Knowledgeable population
  • Innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Funding allocation
  • Comprehensive development
What to do next:
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