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Band 6.5

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

#people #governments #tax-payer #money #healthcare #areas #points
These days, it is essential that
people
 pay taxes for their government to use it for some categories
such
 as
health
, transportation and so on.For
this
thing
Add a comma
thing,
show examples
 a group of
people
 believe that
this
money
 should be spent on
health
 systems
while
 another
one
 thinks it ought to fund other elements. I subscribe to the second
one
 owing to the fact that when the whole
countries
' problems are solved,
countries
' inhabitants will be healthy
people
. On the
one
 hand,
health
 is an essential factor that has massive effects on
countries
' economy
due to
 the fact the that when population are not in a good position of both mental and bodily
health
, their work won't be yieldly; in fact, the economy cannot improve really good, so it is crucial that authorities invest
money
 for it because the
health
 treatment is really expensive.
On the other hand
, a number of matters that interact with each other, are in
one
 country that are solved by
money
;
therefore
, I advise that governments make a plan and list the work from necessary to not really important items that are related to the
people
 who are
countries
' citizens and taxpayers;
thereafter
, when authorities paying for a thing
that is
 in the list respectively,
then
 they will have healthy societies, growing economy, and have good companies.
In addition
, in
this
 list healthcare, environments, and industrial centres are the main facts.
To sum up
, when
countries
 just invest
money
that is
 earned from communities in
one
 category, they are not able to enhance;
in contrast
, funding for all things helps them to become better immediately.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your argument structure to ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis. For example, the introduction could be more focused on general views before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly states its main idea in the topic sentence to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and concrete.
task achievement
Clarify your stance more clearly and elaborate on your reasoning with detailed explanations.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both points of view and offers a personal opinion, which fulfills the basic requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay into paragraphs is commendable, showing a clear attempt to structure the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tax-payer’s money
  • Healthcare
  • Long-term costs
  • Productive workforce
  • Sick days
  • Equal access
  • Essential services
  • Sectors
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Defense
  • Development
  • Security
  • Knowledgeable population
  • Innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Funding allocation
  • Comprehensive development
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