IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows causes of injuries in Australia for tenagers and the general population.

The table below shows causes of injuries in Australia for tenagers and the general population.
#injuries #australia #tenagers #population
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The table gives information about the averages of injuries in Australia among teenagers aged 13 to 19 and the general
population
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 injury average
showed
Wrong verb form
was shown
show examples
 in
males
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 13-19 compared to females in the same group and the general
population
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 teenagers have the most
cases
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the highest cause is complications of medical care in the total
population
Use synonyms
. As we can see
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the table,
males
Use synonyms
 ages 13-19 had the highest number of injuries ‘total transport accidents’
cases
Use synonyms
 at 779, compared to females aged at 323
cases
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
males
Change preposition
for males
show examples
 aged 13-19 ‘Falls’ had record 720, compared
females
Change preposition
to females
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reported
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
193, and the third number show high are ‘complications of medical care’
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 340 which did not have
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
 different number
Use synonyms
cases
Change preposition
of cases
show examples
 at 349.
In contrast
Linking Words
, ‘
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
 of medical care’
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the most
Correct word choice
common causes
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 type in the ‘total
population
Use synonyms
’ with
rate
Correct article usage
a rate
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1431,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lower rates are contributed by ‘females at 24 had in
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 used ‘pedestrian’ at 30.
Submitted by studyabroad639 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, males, cases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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