IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A glance at the graph provided reveals the proportion of tourists visiting four attractions in Brighton, Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, and Festival over 30 - year period between 1980 and 2010.

A glance at the graph provided reveals the proportion of tourists visiting four attractions in Brighton, Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, and Festival over 30 - year period between 1980 and 2010.
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A glance at the graph provided reveals the proportion of tourists visiting four attractions in Brighton, Art Gallery,
Pavilion
Use synonyms
, Pier, and Festival over
30 - year
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30-year
 period between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,what stands
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out
show examples
our
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out
show examples
 from the graph is that the
Pavilion
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 and Art Gallery saw the most significant changes in visitor numbers, with the
Pavilion
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 being the most popular attraction over the period in question. Another interesting point is that the Festival's popularity remained relatively stable, and the Pier experienced a gradual increase in visitors. Looking at the details, as regards
Pavilion
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, the percentage went up exponentially from just over 20% in 1980, 10 a peak of roughly 47% in 1995. The figure
then
Linking Words
 fell rapidly, declining to just over 30% in 2010. If we look at Pier, which began with the lowest percentage of tourists at just 10% in 1980. It experienced steady growth over the 30 years, reaching approximately 22% by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite increasing dramatically to 30% in 1985, the percentage of visitors to the Art Gallery dropped sharply, falling to under 20%in
1990before
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1990 before
 dipping to 3% in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the festival maintained a stable trend, fluctuating slightly around 30%throughout the 30 years.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pavilion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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