IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\
Some
parents
 prefer to buy
lots
 of
toys
 for their
children
.
This
 trend can be both fruitful and harmful for them.
While
 they are trying to present
lots
 of options to their
children
, they will face addicted persons who have infinitive requests in the future. It is undeniable that owning
lots
 of
toys
 means
lots
 of scenarios and activities.
This
 is one of the best ways to entertain
children
 and prevent them from getting bored.
This
 method will persuade
children
 to enjoy their free time without annoying their
parents
. So, their
parents
 can do their chores, and focus on their own routine.
For instance
, my niece has different
toys
 like Lego to play with. It is not challenging for her to have
me
Change the pronoun
my
show examples
 time,
while
 my sister is cooking, or cleaning up.
As a result
,
parents
 in
this
 way not only can help their
children
 to become happy, but
also
 they will have more empty time for themselves.
In contrast
, having a huge amount of
toys
 in childhood will damage
children
’s character. When
parents
 purchase new
toys
 for
children
, they will get used to having more and more of everything.
This
 unstoppable desire will make a disaster in the future. For more explanation, my cousin’s teenage son who had luxurious
toys
 in his childhood, now is addicted to buying new clothes and shoes. It is obvious that by giving unlimited options, he believes that even now he can achieve anything he wants. In conclusion, buying different
toys
 for
children
 can be helpful to entertain them without any difficulty. But, if
this
 accessibility was endless in their childhood it would be a dilemma to control their demands and expectations in the future.
Submitted by afrough on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction directly addresses the question and outlines your position clearly. Including a thesis statement that summarizes the main points of your discussion can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to balance the length of paragraphs to ensure an even discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages. This balance helps in fully addressing the task and maintaining coherence throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of connectives and transitional phrases to lead the reader through your arguments effectively. This improves the flow of information and the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. This also keeps the reader engaged and makes your arguments clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: