Topic Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines instead of visiting their doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
While
there are proponents who advocate that going to clinics is not essential for common diseases, there are opponents who have a diverse perceptive. I am of the belief that depending on scholars in the field of medicine is quintessential for being healthy and avoiding the exaggeration of illness.
On one hand, it is believed that asking for remedies on social media platforms has become quite popular Linking Words
due to
the lack of citizens’ income. When patients have an issue related to their health, they ask for help on Facebook rather than booking an appointment in a clinic. Linking Words
For example
, Egypt suffers from poverty, and Linking Words
as a result
, an enormous number of elderly people have stopped going to hospitals because of its high cost. Linking Words
Therefore
, what can be said is that depending on other sources of treatment has become a usual action Linking Words
due to
financial issues.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, obtaining the wrong pieces of information through blogs has Linking Words
caused
detrimental effects on people’s lives. If they take the wrong cure Verb problem
had
such
as regular painkillers, that will pose a threat to their renal system. Linking Words
For instance
, as per a study conducted by the World Health Organization revealed that relying on Ibuprofen to relieve pain has led to deleterious impacts on the kidneys. Linking Words
Thus
, it is advisable to visit experts rather than take ineffective pieces of advice from others.
In conclusion, by highlighting the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that utilising online blogs Linking Words
instead
of visiting clinics has caused serious issues to health. I think that requesting help from doctors is the only solution for some untreated diseases.Linking Words
Submitted by drmariammagdy96 on
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task achievement
Your response clearly addresses the topic and maintains a consistent stance throughout. However, you could enhance your task achievement score by providing more detailed examples and expanding on your ideas further.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas flow well within and between paragraphs, making your argument easy to follow. Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the smoothness of your essay further.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument by acknowledging opposing viewpoints before presenting your own view.
logical structure
The transition between ideas and paragraphs is generally smooth, which supports reader understanding and keeps your argument coherent.