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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

ı The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a european country beetwen 1979 and 2004.

ı The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a european country beetwen 1979 and 2004.
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This
Linking Words
 graph illustrates the
overall
Linking Words
grams
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 per person per week of fish and meat, including
chicken
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, beef and lamb from a region in Europe between the years 1979 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
chicken
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 was the most consumed one by the Europeans
while
Linking Words
 fish was the
last
Linking Words
 preferred meal.  Looking at the data in greater detail, in 1975, beef was eaten by the people the most with over
than
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apply
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200
grams
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. It
also
Linking Words
 experienced fluctuations.
However
Linking Words
, it gradually declined and lost its popularity to
chicken
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. Even though
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 surges,
chicken
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 is the only meal that
faced
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is faced
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 with an incline. It is noticeable that around 1989, the amount of
chicken
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 and beef consumption was the same with nearly 200
grams
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. Meanwhile, eating lamb dropped almost 100
grams
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 from its starting point until 2004.
In contrast
Linking Words
, fish was the only meal that stayed stable. Except for a small
downwards
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downward
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 in the beginning. In summary,
chicken
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 took the lead and had a
slowly
Change the word
slow
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 but stable increase throughout these times.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, chicken with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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