The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

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The web is kind
a
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of a
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technic
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technique
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of
send
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sending
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to knowledge
for
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apply
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somebody.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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it can pose some trouble never seen before. I think the biggest issue is personal information about it because the internet includes everything about people's
life
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lives
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and if these
are stole
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are stolen
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by someone it can
creat
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create
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trouble occasion.
therefore
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, the most significant factor for
solve
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solving
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it,
that
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is that
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a government control attempts. Nowadays, the internet is everywhere, and it causes
to
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apply
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every
information
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piece of information
show examples
is
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to be
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accessible. So it can
shows
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show
show examples
everything to everybody.
For example
Linking Words
, when people use social media, the
artifical
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artificial
intelligent
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intelligence
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records all actions on the phones.
For instance
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, if users
surfing
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surf
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on the screen
especially
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, especially
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Google,
Youtube
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YouTube
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,
also
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Instagram, these apps upgrade to their
cods
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codes
according
with
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to
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personal information.
Moreover
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,
this
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don't
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doesn't
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have any security for
datas
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data
,
hence
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a lot of people's credit cards and their passwords are
stolling
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stolen
everyday
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every day
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.
Therefore
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, the Government should
show
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make
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some effort
on
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to
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it. Not only effort
,
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apply
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but
also
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they should act for
solution
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a solution
the solution
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. these
are
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apply
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can be serious
punishment
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punishments
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.
Initally
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Initially
, money or jail laws will have
huge
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a huge
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impact on it.
For example
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, If
datas
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data
shared without
user's
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the user's
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allow, they can do these methods on guilties.
Moreover
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,
ban
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a ban
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from
public
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the public
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is
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apply
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can be
good
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a good
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thecnic
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strategy
for
the prepare safety
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preparing a safe
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internet system.
For instance
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, when someone
try
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tries
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to hack
victim's
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a victim's
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computer
for
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to
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take
datas
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data
, they ban him from public transportation or hospital services. In conclusıon, ı think the most dangerous part of
this
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issue is personal info, since
government
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the government
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has the most
affective
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effective
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role,
so
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apply
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it
have
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has
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a big responsibility
on
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for
show examples
it.
Submitted by türkoğluahmetonur on

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grammar
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases in the essay. Consider reviewing your use of articles (e.g., 'a technic of send to knowledge' should be 'a technique for sending knowledge') and verb agreement (e.g., 'it can creat trouble occasion' should be 'it can create troublesome situations'). Furthermore, make sure to spell-check your work (e.g., 'stolling' should be 'stolen').
structure
Your essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. Such statements help encapsulate the main point you will discuss. Try to craft more distinct opening sentences that encapsulate the paragraph's main idea succinctly.
interpretation
The essay does a good job of identifying a significant issue associated with the internet—privacy concerns and data security.
solutions
You provide practical solutions, such as government interventions like stricter laws and bans, which demonstrate thoughtful consideration of the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
What to do next:
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