IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is argued that many
elder
Change to a plural noun
elders
show examples
 are causing challenges to the
government
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals think that the ageing population give
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive aspect to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The main benefit of having
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population is they can
shared
Change the verb form
share
show examples
 their own experience
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the younger
people
Use synonyms
 as
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 walking documentary. The main drawbacks are they require a number of
healthcare
Use synonyms
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
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due to
Linking Words
 their
lacking
Replace the word
lack of
show examples
 body
system
Use synonyms
. An Increasing number of aged
people
Use synonyms
 around the world might create many challenges
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
.
Care taker
Correct your spelling
Caretaker
show examples
, which is working as a main part of
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care
system
Use synonyms
, need to be
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the number of old
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 reason
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
serious attention from the
government
Use synonyms
 to support money to drive the
system
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Australia, the
government
Use synonyms
 of Australia encourage individuals to study
healthcare
Use synonyms
 by
subsidise
Wrong verb form
subsidising
show examples
omney
Correct your spelling
money
 and
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 permanent resident
path way
Correct your spelling
pathway
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 worker. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, The experiences
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
ageging
Correct your spelling
ageing
people
Use synonyms
 are priceless, They could
shared
Change the verb form
share
show examples
 their long stories of their journey, which is still useful as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 precious
advide
Correct your spelling
advice
, to
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
.
People
Use synonyms
 have a chance
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
show examples
 from them as they are watching some documentary.
For example
Linking Words
, their
nostagic
Correct your spelling
nostalgic
 moment from
under-developed
Correct article usage
an under-developed
show examples
 era, which cannot bring back to the present moment.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they used to be a strong workforce of the present ecosystem and they paid the
government
Use synonyms
 a tax, which is
considerably
Change the word
considerable
show examples
 to pay them back. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 old
people
Use synonyms
 consume many
healthcare
Use synonyms
 resources more than young
prople
Correct your spelling
people
. They still provide the variety of our society from their priceless experience, which is meaningful for
people
Use synonyms
 who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the old
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 present time used to provide many benefits for our world in the past.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we need to pay them back.

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Grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Try to avoid mistakes such as 'elder' instead of 'the elderly', 'advide' instead of 'advice', 'soceity' instead of 'society', etc.
Clarity
Clarify your main points and supporting ideas. Some parts of the essay are not very clear, like 'walking documentary' or 'nostalgic moment from under-developed era'.
Structure
Develop more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This will help the flow and logical structure of your essay.
Content
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which is on-topic and fulfills the task requirement.
Conclusion
The conclusion presents a clear stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which helps in presenting a complete response.
Example
Good example provided about Australia encouraging individuals to study healthcare.
Content
The essay makes it clear that the experience of elderly people is invaluable, adding depth to the positive aspects discussed.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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