In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is argued that many
elder
are causing challenges to the Change to a plural noun
elders
government
, Use synonyms
while
some individuals think that the ageing population give Linking Words
the
positive aspect to Correct article usage
a
the
society. The main benefit of having Correct article usage
apply
ageing
population is they can Correct article usage
an ageing
shared
their own experience Change the verb form
share
to
the younger Change preposition
with
people
as Use synonyms
the
walking documentary. The main drawbacks are they require a number of Change preposition
in the
healthcare
Use synonyms
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
due to
their Linking Words
lacking
body Replace the word
lack of
system
.
An Increasing number of aged Use synonyms
people
around the world might create many challenges Use synonyms
to
the Change preposition
for
government
. Use synonyms
Care taker
, which is working as a main part of Correct your spelling
Caretaker
health
care Add an article
the health
system
, need to be Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
due to
the number of old Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
This
reason Linking Words
need
Change the verb form
needs
a
serious attention from the Remove the article
apply
government
to support money to drive the Use synonyms
system
. Use synonyms
For example
, Australia, the Linking Words
government
of Australia encourage individuals to study Use synonyms
healthcare
by Use synonyms
subsidise
Wrong verb form
subsidising
omney
and Correct your spelling
money
support
permanent resident Wrong verb form
supporting
path way
to Correct your spelling
pathway
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
system
worker.
On the Use synonyms
otherhand
, The experiences Correct your spelling
other hand
from
Change preposition
of
ageging
Correct your spelling
ageing
people
are priceless, They could Use synonyms
shared
their long stories of their journey, which is still useful as Change the verb form
share
the
precious Correct article usage
a
advide
, to Correct your spelling
advice
soceity
. Correct your spelling
society
People
have a chance Use synonyms
learn
from them as they are watching some documentary. Fix the infinitive
to learn
For example
, their Linking Words
nostagic
moment from Correct your spelling
nostalgic
under-developed
era, which cannot bring back to the present moment. Correct article usage
an under-developed
Additionally
, they used to be a strong workforce of the present ecosystem and they paid the Linking Words
government
a tax, which is Use synonyms
considerably
to pay them back.
In conclusion, Change the word
considerable
while
old Linking Words
people
consume many Use synonyms
healthcare
resources more than young Use synonyms
prople
. They still provide the variety of our society from their priceless experience, which is meaningful for Correct your spelling
people
people
who Use synonyms
interested
. Add a missing verb
are interested
Moreover
, the old Linking Words
people
in Use synonyms
this
present time used to provide many benefits for our world in the past. Linking Words
Therefore
, we need to pay them back.Linking Words
Submitted by rutkittiphot on
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Grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Try to avoid mistakes such as 'elder' instead of 'the elderly', 'advide' instead of 'advice', 'soceity' instead of 'society', etc.
Clarity
Clarify your main points and supporting ideas. Some parts of the essay are not very clear, like 'walking documentary' or 'nostalgic moment from under-developed era'.
Structure
Develop more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This will help the flow and logical structure of your essay.
Content
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which is on-topic and fulfills the task requirement.
Conclusion
The conclusion presents a clear stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which helps in presenting a complete response.
Example
Good example provided about Australia encouraging individuals to study healthcare.
Content
The essay makes it clear that the experience of elderly people is invaluable, adding depth to the positive aspects discussed.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...