IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #diseases
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Vaccination is the most effortless manner to help humans avoid diseases. Some residents argue that administering a
vaccine
Use synonyms
 to adolescents to prevent illnesses is a trivial matter with potentially harmful consequences.
This
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 essay will explain why vaccinating kids against preventable diseases is entirely necessary. Every infant, when they were born, was totally injected with resistance substances. Vaccines not only keep children healthy; they are
also
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 safe and do not have adverse effects on babies. When a toddler is born, the immune system is significantly weak;
thus
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, the doctor must inject the
vaccine
Use synonyms
 to enhance the baby’s resistance. Undoubtedly, the benefits of the
vaccine
Use synonyms
 outweigh its negative effects. The
vaccine
Use synonyms
 not only sharpens the immune system; kids can dodge some tremendous diseases when they have already appeared. Despite the injection being quite painful, it helps minimize the illness in teenagers. Some horrible ailments, like rabies, are impossible to cure by drinking medicine, but a
vaccine
Use synonyms
 is easily able to tackle them. Honestly, vaccines help avoid dangerous ailments and cultivate the immune system. In conclusion,
this
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 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
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 that vaccinating youngsters is not as dangerous as everyone thought.
However
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, there are more relevant ways to cure disease
instead
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 of injection. In my opinion, vaccinating children is not perilous and offers unpredictable well-being for kids.
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, but it could benefit from a few more specific examples or data to fully support your argument. Try including instances of diseases that have been effectively controlled or eradicated due to vaccination.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but some sentences could be structured more clearly for better understanding. Consider breaking complex ideas into simpler sentences or paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the relationship between the introduction, body, and conclusion is consistently logical throughout the essay. The final paragraph mentions 'more relevant ways to cure disease' without expanding on this point, which slightly disrupts cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay and your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically progresses from introduction to body to conclusion, maintaining a logical flow.
task achievement
You have successfully argued that the benefits of vaccination outweigh the risks, affirming your stance effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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