IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes such as painting or drawing are important for children’s development, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
 painting or drawing are significant for
students
Use synonyms
’ improvement,
therefore
Linking Words
 it should be necessary for high
school
Use synonyms
. I far agree with
this
Linking Words
 controversial issue that I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay below. On the one hand, one of the most obvious why
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 is should not compulsory for every student. Because they will have more significant subjects in high
school
Use synonyms
 for their future career they can adapt
skills
Use synonyms
 for more high requirements of occupation from salaries companies need as computers, sciences, or mathematics.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 U.S. companies tend to offer job seekers more chances for interviews if they graduate from science subjects study.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another point to consider is
art
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 may easily to done in daily life.
Students
Use synonyms
 interested in sculptures or paintings don't only have to study at
school
Use synonyms
 it have many ways to develop these
skills
Use synonyms
 as seen a method in the
art
Use synonyms
 galleries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the benefits of education for
students
Use synonyms
 in high
school
Use synonyms
. It will allow student
noriss
Verb problem
to test
show examples
 their soul beside other intense subjects. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,a survey recently conducted by the New York Times reveals that a multitude of boys and girls tend to better grades if they have certain
classes
Use synonyms
 to show their inside souls.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 might interested in
art
Use synonyms
. If schools
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a way for them to show their
skills
Use synonyms
, they would be more certain of what they like.
To conclude
Linking Words
. I suggest that
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 in high
school
Use synonyms
 may be more useful for
students
Use synonyms
 to find new
skills
Use synonyms
. And it can be their future way to find more money for adult life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to structure your arguments more clearly, organizing your points into cohesive paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Clarifying your main points will also improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses the prompt, making a balanced consideration of both the pros and cons with supporting examples. This can enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Focus on developing your ideas fully and providing specific, relevant examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear position statement in the introduction, which sets the direction for the argument.
supported main points
You attempted to provide examples and evidence to support your ideas, which is an essential part of making your argument persuasive.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: