IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes such as painting or drawing are important for children’s development, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Art
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classes
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for example
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 painting or drawing are significant for
students
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’ improvement,
therefore
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 it should be necessary for high
school
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. I far agree with
this
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 controversial issue that I will discuss in
this
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 essay below. On the one hand, one of the most obvious why
art
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classes
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 is should not compulsory for every student. Because they will have more significant subjects in high
school
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 for their future career they can adapt
skills
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 for more high requirements of occupation from salaries companies need as computers, sciences, or mathematics.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 U.S. companies tend to offer job seekers more chances for interviews if they graduate from science subjects study.
Moreover
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, another point to consider is
art
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skills
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 may easily to done in daily life.
Students
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 interested in sculptures or paintings don't only have to study at
school
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 it have many ways to develop these
skills
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 as seen a method in the
art
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 galleries.
On the other hand
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, the benefits of education for
students
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 in high
school
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. It will allow student
noriss
Verb problem
to test
show examples
 their soul beside other intense subjects. To illustrate
this
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,a survey recently conducted by the New York Times reveals that a multitude of boys and girls tend to better grades if they have certain
classes
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 to show their inside souls.
In addition
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, some
students
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 might interested in
art
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. If schools
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 a way for them to show their
skills
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, they would be more certain of what they like.
To conclude
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. I suggest that
art
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classes
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 in high
school
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 may be more useful for
students
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 to find new
skills
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. And it can be their future way to find more money for adult life.

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your arguments more clearly, organizing your points into cohesive paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Clarifying your main points will also improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses the prompt, making a balanced consideration of both the pros and cons with supporting examples. This can enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Focus on developing your ideas fully and providing specific, relevant examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear position statement in the introduction, which sets the direction for the argument.
supported main points
You attempted to provide examples and evidence to support your ideas, which is an essential part of making your argument persuasive.
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