There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Academic success is important and essential, that's why a number of people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed so

students

Use synonyms

can focus on other important

classes

Use synonyms

. I don't see eye to eye with them, as many of these

classes

Use synonyms

can be considered as a basic

life

Use synonyms

skill

moreover

Linking Words

, some

students

Use synonyms

can find what they are truly passionate about through them.

This

Linking Words

essay will cover these points. Non-academic

classes

Use synonyms

can cover and teach the student some important

life

Use synonyms

skills that they need in their daily

life

Use synonyms

. Looking at the given examples in the question (cookery and physical education) both are essential everyone needs to learn how to cook whether you are a male or a female,

in addition

Linking Words

, physical education is a great class to stay fit, healthy and exercising a be considered a great way to get stress out of your system.

For

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

if someone

moved

Wrong verb form

moves

show examples

out of their

parents

Change to a genitive case

parent's

parents'

show examples

house now they need to do everything on their own these basic skills are required so they

were

Verb problem

will

show examples

be able to make it on their own. Another point that should be covered is finding someone's passion. A large number of

students

Use synonyms

can find their passion through these subjects maybe they are not interested in science, math or any other academic class.

However

Linking Words

, they will be able to get creative and decide what they truly want to do in

life

Use synonyms

throughout these

classes

Use synonyms

. My sister is one of those, she despised academic

classes

Use synonyms

but she was able to find her passion in a random photography class, and

then

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

moment, she decided to major in film directing. In summary, as important as academic achievements as it is, we can not simply cut teaching the non-academic ones

students

Use synonyms

need to stay happy, stress-free and

moreover

Linking Words

live

life

Use synonyms

passionately .

Submitted by dur.alogaili on Sun Jan 26 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is supported by clear and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Consider explaining how non-academic subjects specifically lead to discovering passions in more detail.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs by using appropriate linking words and phrases, which will make your argument even more coherent.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay by clearly stating the position and summarizing the main points.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and supports it with relevant arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for childre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I do believe all of the education activities are helping the learning process in their own ways. In other words, if we want to maximalize the learning output, we should not force offspring to only do one of these activities.
6
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In today's sophisticated world, science plays a crucial role for every individual, aiding in the improvement of people's lives. From my perspective, this trend is fully endorsed, given the increasing number of agricultural and medical benefits it brings. However, emerging issues cast shadows over this prospect, which I will discuss below, along with my views.
7
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The phenomenon of people living longer than ever before has become a prominent demographic trend in numerous countries. While some argue that an ageing population poses challenges for governments, others assert that there are substantial benefits to having more elderly individuals in society. In my perspective, the advantages of having an ageing population clearly outweigh the disadvantages, as it brings about opportunities for intergenerational knowledge transfer, fosters a wiser society, and enhances cultural richness.
6.5
band
according to raise population, government have to find alterantive food resource like insects product in order to strike balance betwenn supply and demand while group of people have notion that consuming its is not appropriate for human health and having hazardous effect on environment.
according to the rising population, the government have to find alternative food resources like insect products in order to strike a balance between supply and demand while a group of people have the notion that consuming it is not appropriate for human health and has hazardous effects on the environment.
6.5
band
Smoking is a habit that claims many lives and is a great drain on health services. One way to combat smoking would be to make it illegal. What are the pros and cons of such a government policy? What alternative strategies can you suggest to combat smoking?
The enormous consumption of healthcare resources and the loss of life could be attributed to smoking. One way of combating this trend is to prohibit the usage. The benefit of making smoking unlawful is that, it will enable smokers to stop the routine. I would suggest that the authorities should enforce strict laws such as imprisonment for anyone found guilty. However, there may be drawbacks to be taken into account.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for childre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

according to raise population, government have to find alterantive food resource like insects product in order to strike balance betwenn supply and demand while group of people have notion that consuming its is not appropriate for human health and having hazardous effect on environment.

Smoking is a habit that claims many lives and is a great drain on health services. One way to combat smoking would be to make it illegal. What are the pros and cons of such a government policy? What alternative strategies can you suggest to combat smoking?