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Writing Samples
Band 8

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#parents #pressure #children #development
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Parents
Use synonyms
 require a huge amount of obligations from their
children
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 in order to make them successful in the future by hiring various teachers and paying for different development programs. In my opinion,
this
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 is both a negative and positive way of parenting because they force their child to study hard and put in a lot of effort, but at the same time, it deprives him or her of childhood. First and foremost, mothers and fathers are driven by the desire to make their
children
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 as successful as possible in almost every field,
for instance
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, music, education, fighting, or chess. They genuinely believe that sending their kid to a certain activity that implies the development of skills will help the child to prosper in the future life.
Therefore
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, they allocate a decent amount of budget to various things that can teach the youth a certain ability. In my view,
this
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 is an extremely helpful approach since it will contribute to the versatility of the young ones. They will be utterly grateful for every opportunity their
parents
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 gave them during childhood.
For example
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, well-known people
such
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 as Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Cristiano Ronaldo were put under enormous pressure when they were
children
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, but now they are rich, healthy, and educated and they always refer to their
parents
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 with words of appreciation. Khabib Nurmagomedov exemplifies the consequences of a tough childhood the best.
According to
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 these words, he was always under the control of his father,
however
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, now he appreciates it because the father was always keeping bad things away from Khabib.
Nevertheless
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, I
also
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 believe that
this
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 concept has a negative dimension because it deprives a kid of the emotions and feelings that he or she will never be able to gain ever again. Apart from studying and training hard, I am convinced that
children
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 just have to have fun and laugh about unserious moments, because they always be able to learn or study when they are adults, but never ever they will receive the opportunity to return to the past.
Thus
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, it is crucial for adults to gift a little bit of freedom to their kids. In conclusion, even though
parents
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 dedicate a huge part of their capital to the development of their youngsters and eventually make them affluent and smart by giving them essential skills, it is important to allow them to have fun and relax as well.
Submitted by akylov.a on

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coherence cohesion
Try to make more use of linking words and phrases to ensure that your arguments flow seamlessly from one to the next. This will help in building a stronger connection between the ideas presented in the essay.
task achievement
Focus on providing a more rounded perspective by briefly considering potential downsides to the arguments presented in favor of pressuring children. This will help in fully addressing the prompt and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the response clearly.
task achievement
Good examples are provided to support the argument, including references to well-known figures, which enhance the credibility of the points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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