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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the way of distributing products is no exception. While some argue that producers should not manufacture some goods which waste a lot of paper or plastic for packaging, others opine packaging is an inseparable part of distribution of merchandises. In my view, the flashier products are, the more sales can be expecte

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the
way
Use synonyms
 of distributing
products
Use synonyms
 is no exception.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that producers should not manufacture some goods that waste a lot of paper or plastic for packaging, others opine that packaging is an inseparable part of the distribution of merchandise. In my view, the flashier the
products
Use synonyms
 are, the more sales can be expected. On the one hand, some believe that the environment is what their life is all about. To clarify, nowadays, companies spend a vast amount of non-biodegradable materials to pack their
products
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, which can be horribly perilous for the ecosystem, since it takes a vast amount of time to decompose in nature.
Hence
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, if factories continue
this
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 trend, it not only endangers the lives of humans, but
also
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 the lives of flora and fauna.
On the other hand
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, the best
way
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 of designing goods goes a long
way
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 in the world of marketing. Advertisement printing on the packages and bottles of
products
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 is a must to raise awareness among consumers about ingredients and the
way
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 of
consuming
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
.
For example
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, I myself always check my purchases by means of printed instructions on them to avoid meat
products
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, since I am on a vegetarian diet.
Moreover
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, it makes a valuable contribution to longer shelf lives. In
this
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way
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, producers can carry their goods over long distances without any damage. So, it can cause higher income for them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 packaging poses a threat to the environment by accumulating a great deal of rubbish, it does not necessarily mean we should sacrifice society to do it. From my perspective, good packaging allows companies to attract more consumers, leading to higher revenue for companies.

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structure
Use more clear and short lines. Make the main idea in each paragraph easy to see.
development
Add one more strong example for each side and show how it links to your view.
language
Fix small grammar and word order mistakes. Keep verbs in simple form.
content
Good start with a clear view on packaging and the idea of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
You show thought on how pack items can help sales and shelf life.
structure
Conclusion restates balance and view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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