IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 busy and fast-paced
world
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world,
show examples
 we have,
people
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 can only do enough just to make ends meet. We wake up early in the morning, drive to work, do the work and
then
Linking Words
 go home. In between these routines, we get stressed and in my experience, one
way
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 to cope
up
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apply
show examples
with
stress
Use synonyms
 is smoking. I know what you are thinking, Smoking is bad for your health and I do agree with you. But for others, it is a
way
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 for them to relieve
stress
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. A
lot
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 of
people
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 have different ways to cope with
stress
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. They have hobbies, do sports, go to the gym, drink liquor, sleep, stroll the park, go shopping and our topic, smoking. But
despites
Correct your spelling
despite
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 having many health warnings, why do
people
Use synonyms
 smoke? For
smokers
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, they consider it a relaxing activity and as we all know, when we relax we decrease
stress
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. It is a bad
way
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 to cope with
stress
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 though, as smoking
corelates
Correct your spelling
correlates
 to many various diseases and the most prominent is Lung Cancer
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 kills almost 45 out
100
Change preposition
of 100
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smokers
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. But despite
this
Linking Words
, a
lot
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 of
smokers
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 still never quit and a
lot
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 of
people
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 would never understand the effects of smoking for them. For
smokers
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,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 the only
way
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 to keep up with all the challenges in life. I myself have
quitted
Verb problem
quit
show examples
 smoking, it is not easy as you need to change a habit you have been doing for many years. It needs gradual reduction of usage, and continuous peer and family support. I tried nicotine gums or patches, but
still
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still,
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 the addiction to nicotine won't stop if
i
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I
show examples
 use those. So, it is better to focus
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into smoke
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on smoking
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 cessation and staying away
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
temptations
Correct article usage
the temptations
show examples
 of my friends. In
this
Linking Words
 process, you need a
lot
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 of distractions, turn your
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
 to other stuff and develop a new routine or habit. In that
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way
Add a comma
way,
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 you forget smoking. It's more like moving on after a breakup, you find another person to love in order to forget the previous relationship. It really helps too, it saves you and your family from pulmonary diseases. All of us have different ways to cope
up
Change preposition
with
show examples
stress
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. It could be either good or bad. As long as we are able to remove
stress
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 and continue with our lives, stay alive and force our
way
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 to finish the day. All of these activities to eliminate
stress
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 worth it.

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments about why people continue to smoke despite health warnings, but try to offer more varied solutions beyond personal experience, such as possible societal or policy measures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear main argument or idea that is systematically developed throughout the paragraph to improve structure and flow.
task achievement
You effectively use relevant personal examples to support your points, particularly about why individuals continue smoking and how you quit.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion about smoking and stress.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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