IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An English language magazine has invited its readers to write an article about what their lives would be like without computers. (at least 250)

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In today’s world
computers
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 are like our hands. Without
Use synonyms
computers
Add a comma
computers,
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 our world would downgrade again. There’s
also
Linking Words
 a
lot
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 of pluses too. Let me tell you about it more.
Firstly
Linking Words
 the most important thing is communication. We would not be able to communicate with our friends, parents, other
people
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… We have come a long way in
technologies
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technology
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the
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over the
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last
Linking Words
 20 years. Now we have apps like
messenger
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Messenger
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,
viber
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Viber
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,
instagram
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Instagram
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,
Correct word choice
and snapchat
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snapchat
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Snapchat
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 where we can easily chat with other
people
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 in seconds.
In
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On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand if we didn’t have
computers
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 nowadays I believe that would be a disaster at first but
also
Linking Words
 a very good way for kids to be active outside again. They would meet their friends more, spend more time playing sports,
different
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and different
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 games outside and know how to communicate in person. Second of all
i
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I
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 want to talk about work and education. A
lot
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 of
people
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 work online
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also
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and also
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 have their businesses on
internet
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the internet
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 like e-shops.
And most
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Most
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people
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 search for information online too. If
computers
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 didn’t exist big amount of
people
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 would
loose
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lose
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 their jobs. I can’t see any pluses here only bad things because
people
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 who have businesses online have worked really hard and they truly don’t want to
loose
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lose
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 that.
Also
Linking Words
 right now we have AI
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 helps us a
lot
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 and it’s a good thing because
people
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 can find information about everything very quickly. The next thing
are
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is
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 very big and important to almost
everyone
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every one
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 of us - entertainment. And
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 talking about films, series, television, audiobooks, computer games,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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 media. Almost every day we are doing one or more of those things and that’s totally fine.
People
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 have hobbies some of them watching films others playing computer games or listening
audiobooks
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to audiobooks
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 others just being influencers and posting stuff online. As
i
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I
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 said at the beginning we have pluses of
loosing
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losing
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computers
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 too. There’s some: we would spend more time with our family, give more time to important things, maybe we would be a
lot
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 more progressive in life but once again that would be a disaster for almost all of us. To summarize our lives without
computers
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 would change
180
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by 180
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°
some
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Some
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of
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apply
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people
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 couldn’t even live anymore some of them would
loose
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lose
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 their jobs and some of them would live the same.

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task achievement
Expand on ideas with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to thoroughly address the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on using varied linking words and accurate paragraphing to improve the flow of your essay.
language
Check language accuracy for grammatical errors and use more precise vocabulary to enhance meaning.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a valid structure with an introduction and conclusion, which helps in organizing your ideas.
task achievement
The essay mentions several key areas of life impacted by computers, such as communication, work, and entertainment, showing an understanding of the task.
task achievement
You've included some interesting perspectives about kids being more active and spending time outdoors, which adds depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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