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Band 6

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, one of the most trending activities among young
people
Use synonyms
 above 18 is shopping. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on the causes of
this
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 phenomenon,
as well as
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, I will illustrate why I believe the disadvantages of
this
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 outweigh the advantages.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why
this
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 happened. Certainly, the modern era brought us an uncontrollable supply. We have never before had so many options to choose from.
This
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 access makes
people
Use synonyms
 crave more and more stuff.
Consequently
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, many end up being addicted to the purchase.
Moreover
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, producers make it worse because they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manipulate
people
Use synonyms
 to increase their sales. Namely, through extensive marketing strategies that show only the positives of the presented item. If
people
Use synonyms
 get bombarded with advertisements, they will be influenced by them. I strongly believe
this
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 is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Such
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 a hobby does not develop relevant skills.
Instead
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 of spending hours in a mall, the young generation should invest their time in self-improvement. I have seen it with many of my friends who lost price-less years of their lives searching for new stuff they want to buy. The present situation gives society no sufficient benefit. Namely,
people
Use synonyms
 waste their time and money and clutter up their apartments.
To conclude
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, it is popular among young adults to use shopping as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 leisure activity. It is because of the overwhelming amount of things we have in shops and marketing campaigns. I opt for fighting with it because I do not notice any positives of it.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could mention specific marketing strategies or the psychological effects of advertising on consumers.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-supported by details. This will help strengthen your argument and improve the overall clarity of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to enhance the flow of your writing. Simple and compound sentences can be used effectively to add rhythm to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question effectively, and you provide a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task completion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a good overview of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • material possession
  • social experience
  • disposable income
  • tech-savvy
  • convenience
  • fashion trends
  • overconsumption
  • economic stimulation
  • retail industry
  • materialism
  • debt
  • consumer spending
  • browsing
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