IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers to do their shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Recently, the issue of replacing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
shops
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 large shopping
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that regional
shops
Use synonyms
 are damaged by large shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
while
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 others argue
otherwise
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. Personally,
although
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 I believe that both arguments should be given equal weight, I a little more agree with the former stand. In the following essay, both views will be discussed alongside relevant examples before a conclusion with my opinion. On the one hand, citizens get the opportunity
of choosing
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to choose
show examples
 various products, when they go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are a number of different companies’ products, even
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 products.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individuals can choose their alley among goods.
Moreover
Linking Words
, large shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 offer convenient facilities. Actually, in Korea, many large corporations’ shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 hold lessons
such
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 as learning English and creating
accessary
Correct your spelling
accessory
show examples
, leading to
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
 participation.
On the other hand
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, local
shops
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 struggle to compete with large companies. Because they can’t offer cheaper prices than large
shops
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.
As a result
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, residents don’t want to go to local
shops
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. It leads to
closing
Correct article usage
the closing
show examples
 of local
shops
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, unemployment would
increases
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 in communities, leading to
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
 social economy. Another drawback is that social
shops
Use synonyms
 contribute to
bond
Add an article
the bond
show examples
 relationship between residents.
Therefore
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, if local
shops
Use synonyms
 close, the community will face challenges. In conclusion,
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about
this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 a careful manner, each side of the debate has its strengths, as discussed above.
Nevertheless
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, I
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
support that the effect of large shopping
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is too difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local
shops
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively. However, work on developing each point more thoroughly to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all your points link back to the essay question more explicitly. This will improve the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
Make sure each main point is fully developed with examples and explanations to enhance your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for a good cohesion and coherence score.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as those from Korea, effectively supports your points and adds credibility to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic decline
  • job losses
  • stimulate the economy
  • consumer convenience
  • under one roof
  • lower prices
  • erode local culture
  • unique character
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • community hubs
  • social interactions
  • community spirit
  • local engagement
  • food courts
  • entertainment areas
What to do next:
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