Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that
music
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brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others,
however
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, think that
music
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can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. There are two opinions about the effect of
music
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on individuals and societies.
Once
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One
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think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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that
music
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causes only
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
effect,
while
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others suppose that it
also
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has a detrimental impact . Below,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will make out both sides and will propose my personal point as an example.
To begin
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with, it is evident that
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
the music
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industry is one of the most successful
sphere
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spheres
show examples
today, and was born almost
thousand
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a thousand
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years ago. There are numerous
number of
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apply
show examples
genres all are being listened
quite
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to quite
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frequently.
Moreover
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,
psychlogists
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psychologists
use
music
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in their therapies, owing to the significant changes it causes to people’s neuron
system
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systems
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. It is proven that classical
music
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helps to meditate and concentrate your attention on education,or work.
On the other hand
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, listening to
music
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in an extremely emotional state,
such
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as depression or emotional
unconsistency
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inconsistency
, may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dependence on
such
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a melancholic
sence
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sense
scene
.
Nevertheless
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, society continues to be emotionally affectable by
music
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. Certain individuals can experience
change
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changes
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of
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in
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their
mood
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moods
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under the effect of different
genred
Correct your spelling
genres
genre
melodies
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of melodies
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, which is not useful
on
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in
show examples
practice.
For instance
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,
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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important
conferences
Add a comma
conferences,
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organisers turn on official and mostly motivative ones, to create a
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
and prepared working environment.
This
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may cause some difficulties in situations in which you do not have
this
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atmosphere.
Overall
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, melodies indeed have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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own impact on people’s
mind
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minds
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and
acception
Correct your spelling
acceptions
, from my point of view,
music
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also
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can unite different people from
defferent
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different
countries,
thus
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think its drawbacks are negligible in comparison to
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
it brings.

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task achievement
Expand and clarify the introduction to provide a clearer context and overview of the essay's direction. This will help improve the task achievement as it sets the stage for the discussion clearly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support claims, particularly in discussions on the emotional impact of music. This will enhance task achievement by making your arguments more comprehensive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and re-emphasizing your stance more strongly. This will ensure coherence and cohesion are strengthened.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas into clearer paragraphs with more distinct separation between different viewpoints. This will make the logical structure more apparent and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay recognizes multiple viewpoints, providing a balanced discussion which contributes positively to task response.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of arguments exists, with a clear attempt to present pros and cons alongside an opinion.
task achievement
There is a strong attempt to connect music's influence on individuals and societies with real-world applications, acknowledging its psychological effects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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