IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and many are endangered. What are the causes of it and what measures can be taken to solve it?

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Wildlife
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extinction
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 and the endangerment of
species
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 have become pressing global issues, posing significant threats to biodiversity and ecological balance.
This
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 essay will explore the primary causes behind
this
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 phenomenon and propose effective measures to mitigate the crisis. One of the leading causes of
wildlife
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extinction
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 is habitat destruction. Expanding urbanization, agricultural practices, and industrial activities have encroached upon natural habitats, leaving animals without safe spaces to live and reproduce.
For instance
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, deforestation in the Amazon rainforest has severely impacted countless
species
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, including jaguars and macaws. Climate change exacerbates
this
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 issue, altering ecosystems at an unprecedented pace and forcing animals to adapt or perish. Another significant factor is poaching and illegal
wildlife
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 trade, driven by demand for exotic pets, ivory, and traditional medicine.
For example
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, the relentless hunting of rhinoceroses for their horns has brought them to the brink of
extinction
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.
Additionally
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, overexploitation of
marine
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 resources,
such
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 as overfishing, disrupts aquatic food chains and depletes fish populations, endangering both
marine
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 life and communities that depend on them. Addressing these challenges requires a multifaceted approach. Governments must prioritize the establishment of protected areas,
such
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 as national parks and
marine
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 reserves, ensuring that
wildlife
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 habitats are preserved.
For instance
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, the Great Barrier Reef
Marine
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 Park in Australia has been instrumental in conserving
marine
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 biodiversity. Stricter enforcement of anti-poaching laws and international treaties,
such
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 as the Convention on International Trade in Endangered
Species
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 (CITES), is essential to combat illegal hunting and trade.
Moreover
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, public awareness campaigns should emphasize the importance of
wildlife
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 conservation and promote sustainable practices. Education plays a crucial role in inspiring communities to coexist harmoniously with nature.
Lastly
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, embracing eco-friendly technologies and practices,
such
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 as precision agriculture and renewable energy, can reduce human impact on ecosystems and protect biodiversity. In conclusion, habitat destruction, climate change, poaching, and overfishing are the primary drivers of
wildlife
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extinction
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. To counter these threats, a combination of habitat preservation, stringent law enforcement, education, and sustainable development is crucial. By adopting these measures, humanity can protect endangered
species
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 and ensure the long-term health of the planet’s ecosystems.

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Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay is well-organized with a clear structure, consider connecting your ideas even more explicitly between paragraphs to enhance flow.
Task Achievement
You have covered the task well; however, offering more specific local examples or statistics could further strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Although clear and comprehensive, ensure your essay maintains the reader's interest by varying sentence structure and stress on your key points.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly defines the causes of wildlife extinction and presents well-organized arguments for addressing the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Well-structured with a logical progression from one point to the next, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as deforestation in the Amazon rainforest and poaching of rhinoceroses, enriches the essay and provides solid evidence for your claims.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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