IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are competing views on development plans for public
health
Use synonyms
. Some believe that increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 would encourage people to adopt healthier lifestyles,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
this
Linking Words
 alone would have little impact and that additional measures are needed.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that access to physical activity has a role in promoting a healthier lifestyle I believe that a more comprehensive approach is necessary to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 effectively. On the one hand, investing in
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 can encourage people to engage in physical activities, which contribute to
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
For example
Linking Words
, regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 has good benefits, including reducing the risk of chronic diseases
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.
According to
Linking Words
 the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization,
exercise
Use synonyms
 is essential in preventing non-communicable diseases and improving mental illness. By providing accessible
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
, governments can encourage individuals to be more active.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, public
health
Use synonyms
 is influenced by multiple factors beyond
exercise
Use synonyms
, Many
health
Use synonyms
 issues,
such
Linking Words
 as infection, malnutrition, and inadequate healthcare access, cannot be solved simply by increasing
exercise
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, diseases like HIV/AIDS require medical intervention and vaccines rather than just physical activity.
Additionally
Linking Words
, improving vaccination promotion is equally crucial for disease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should prioritize a balanced approach that includes not only fitness initiatives but
also
Linking Words
 healthcare improvements, prevention programs, and education. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 expanding
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 can encourage a healthier lifestyle, it should not only focus on
facilities
Use synonyms
. There are still many approaches which have many capabilities and are more beneficial to improve public
health
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Enhance your examples and explanations to more strongly support your points, providing more specific details.
coherence cohesion
Strive for slightly more complex sentences and varied vocabulary to improve coherence and engagement.
task achievement
The task response is effectively addressed with both views discussed and a clear opinion stated.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, including an introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: